Teaching a Boy to Pee is like...

Potty training a boy, I have always heard, is more difficult than potty training a girl. Let me confirm that statement. Let me also add to it - Potty training a boy without the help of a dad is extremely difficult! There are things I cannot teach my son. Equipment I do not have! There are things I never dreamed one would even have to teach another, but it seems not all things natural are learned, they must be taught.

Emily and Kensley were both completely potty trained by the age of 2-1/2. As I recall they were both very easily potty trained, with the task completed within a weekend. I told them they were going to start wearing panties, we went out and bought cute little pink ones with Barbie on them and they started wearing them around the clock! I'm sure there were a few accidents but I only recall one of Emily's which took place while she and I were standing on a pier in Myrtle Beach. EASY, BREEZY!!!

Edison turned 2-1/2 in the winter and I decided to wait until Spring. All who have potty trained know that it is much easier to clean up an accident that involves only shorts and flip flops rather than long pants, underwear, socks and tennis shoes! Edison turned 3 in May, we started the process, he wasn't interested at all, we stopped. In fact, throughout the Spring, when I would mention big boy underwear, he told me quite a few times, "Mom, I'm a wittle baby, I need to wear diapers." As much as I would like him to remain my "wittle baby", the fact is, I hate changing diapers and even more than that, I hate to spend my money on them!!!

This potty training session with Edison has not been a weekend task as it was for Emily and Kensley. This has taken me ALL SUMMER!!! But today, I can proudly tell each of you that my son wears big boy underwear every day, all day long, even during naps, and he stays dry! I still put a pull-up on him at night, however, he stays dry almost every single night, so as soon as we run out of pull-ups (which I am using multiple times since they are staying dry), he will begin wearing big boy underwear at night time as well.

Now back to the things I have had to teach my son which have not been easy during this summer-long ordeal:

1. Aim! One day, we pulled into the driveway and Edison said, "I want to pee in the grass." He's a boy! He loves to pee outside in the grass. I got him out of his car seat, pulled his pants down and stood him over on the side of the driveway. He seemed to have everything under control, he was peeing on the grass. I turned around to get things out of the van while he finished up. I collected my belongings and when I turned back around (less than 15 seconds later) I find that he has peed on the grass, the concrete, two different rocks sitting on the concrete, on each shoe, down each leg, into his underwear and onto his shorts! "Edison, WHAT are you doing?" He looked at me (like DUH!) and asked, "Peeing?" I pulled his shoes off, pulled his shorts and underwear off, got the wipes out of the car and wiped off his legs and we walked into the house (he was butt naked!). As I walked through the house, I threw his clothes in the washer, his flip flops in the sink and took him straight to the bathtub! From now on, if you visit my house and see Fruit Loops in the bathroom? Just know that is what we use for target practice!
2. Tuck! Edison had to go to the bathroom one Sunday during Church. This visit to the potty required sitting as he needed to poop. I sat him on the toilet and then turned to check my own hair and make-up in the mirror. I turned around and saw that he had a lap full of pee! So much pee in his lap that it was filling his belly button! I'm not kidding and yes, it was soaking into his nicely ironed polo shirt! I immediately spread his legs apart to let his "sink drain" and said "You need to point THAT down there when you pee, Little Man!" He just looked at me like he was clueless. Once again, I'm grabbing paper towels and soap to give him a quick bath so we can return to church. While everyone else was out in the sanctuary singing "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus", I was in the bathroom teaching a little boy what to do when he can't stand up to do his business!
3. Hands Out of the Flow! Yes, I know it is necessary that the hands be used to help aim or to help tuck, but there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that the other hand should ever pass in front of the flow of urine! And if you are a curious little boy and want to do just that, PLEASE PLEASE, when your hand is dripping wet with pee, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT rub it in your hair!!! That is exactly what happened last night. He had to sit, he remembered to tuck, but then he felt the need to pee on his hand. I was in the same stall with him and before I could grap the toilet paper to dry off his hand, he dried it himself, in his HAIR!!!! I'm not kidding! These are the things boys do! I assure you that if either of my girls had EVER peed on their hands, they would have started crying, holding their hand out all limp and dripping, saying "ooooo, my hand's wet, get it off, get it off!" Rest assured, girls would never wipe it in their hair!!!

I'm learning to raise a boy! It's not an easy task! The other day I made the comment that men are pigs. Edison asked, "I'm a pig, Mom?" and I said, "No, honey, Mommy will make sure you are never a PIG!" Oh, he might get dirty, he might look and smell like a pig at times, heck, he might even follow in Wasband's footsteps and become a pig, uh... I mean police officer, but he will know how to treat a woman. One of my goals as his mother is to make sure that the name Edison Underwood and Male Chauvenistic Pig, are never used together in the same sentence (other than the one you just read)! I am also going to do my best to make sure he knows how to properly aim and that he remembers to lower the toilet seat after raising it. Some daughter-in-law will thank me for it one day :-)