Sunday, February 22, 2015

There's No Driving Like Snow Driving

I got married when I was 18 years old.  In this day and age, it's almost embarassing to admit that now. I graduated from high school when I was 17 and had nearly one year of college behind me when I walked down the aisle in April.  The following winter, we lived in the bottom of Sue Barbara Court, at the end of Highland Avenue.  It snowed, the hill was slick and like any 18 year old, I was tired of being cooped up.  It was then I decided I was going to teach myself to drive in the snow.  Paul and I were inseparable then, so I'm assuming that if I headed out without him, it was because he was either working or sleeping because he had worked night shift.  

At the time, I was driving my first car, a little light blue 1982 Toyota Corolla - 5 speed.  Somehow I slipped and slid up the incine and made it to Highland Avenue.  I don't recall if I had somewhere to go or if I just wanted out, but I remember driving to the high school parking lot with an agenda.  I was going to teach myself how to drive in the snow.  I have no recollection of how long I was there or even what I did but I remember getting up some speed, hitting my brakes and just getting the feel of what I needed to do to steer out of a skid and I did good!  I was proud of myself.  I thought I might end up doing a doughnut or two but I didn't.  (I did that unintentionally one time on a main road while Jamie was in the same car with me - I still don't know what happened that time - only remembering that I was coming to an intersection, I pushed in the clutch to gear down and the next thing I knew Jamie and I had spun 360 degrees on wet pavement!)

My mom had always gotten out in the snow and went where she needed to go and I guess I wanted to be like her.  She reminded me the other day of the time she tried to gun her Monte Carlo through a snow drift that we could barely see over.  That was back in 1978 or 79.  That didn't turn out so well - haha and Daddy had to come and pull us out with chains. Well, someone did.  I'm not sure if he came looking for us or if someone else had driven upon our predicament - we certainly didn't have cell phones back in the 70s!  I remember another time my mom was driving down US 27 in the snow and all of the sudden she lost control.  We crossed over into oncoming traffic (near where Willie Frances Graham lives) and I could see the whites of the driver's eyeballs).  All of the sudden Mom swerved out of their way, overcorrected onto our side into the shoulder and then somehow straightened the car back up.  Jesus definitely had the wheel that day.  Come to think of it, Jamie was in the back seat on that day too. She said something like... "Nannie!  You...you...you just ran off into the snow cream!"  

For 25 years, I've been getting out in the snow when I need to and sometimes just because I want to.  This is the first time though, since driving the Corolla, that I have a "tiny car" that won't always go when I want it to.  For instance, the other day when I was stuck in the driveway!  When I could finally get out, I took both girls with me.  I told them they need to learn to drive in the snow.  Emily told me she still remembers the time her Dad tried to get our car in Nannie and Papa's driveway and couldn't and I said, "Let me try it" and succeeded :-) Hopefully I've made an impression on her like my mom did for me.  I gave them pointers on how you need to be aware of the road ahead of you so you can avoid using your brakes if it all possible.  It's better to get off the gas and let the car slow on its own when you are driving on a snow covered road.  I explained how the lower gears allow you to have better traction when climbing a snow covered hill and Emily asked "oh, is that what the 1 and 2 are for?"  And I told them I can't really explain what you do, you just have to learn it.  With that information, I encouraged them that when the roads were safer, they should take their vehicles to an open area that is snow covered and get the feel of steering through a skid.  It's definitely a skill they will need for years to come.  We don't all live on main highways - sometimes just getting out of your subdivision requires snow driving skills.  And sometimes, whether its by choice or necessity, we find ourselves driving little bitty cars that are great on gas mileage 11.5 months out of the year but not the best in getting us through the snow for maybe 2 weeks at the most!

I still enjoy the challenge of snow driving.  I can sit inside the house a lot longer now than I could at age 18 but even at 44 a person will eventually go stir crazy!  I'm the one who looks all around to see if any cars are coming up behind me or coming toward me and still do a brake check just for the practice when its been snowing.  So far, I've remained safe and Jesus has taken the wheel when needed.  I pray that He will continue to look over me when I'm driving, especially considering I drive about 26,000 miles each year!

Stay safe y'all!  

Friday, February 6, 2015

Divorce-aversary

Six years ago today...

My sister thinks its ridiculous I can remember the date, so I didn't even remind her that I remembered another year had passed.  In fact, I only shared it with three people...until you all read this.  Remembering dates is both a blessing and a curse.  This morning, I woke up, looked at the time and date and it was the first thing I thought of.  "Oh!  It's February 6th. I've been single for 6 years...has it been six years?  Wow!  Six years.... Happy Divorce-aversary to me....Six years...I've come a long way..." and then THE song popped into my head.  I guess because thinking back to where I was six years ago was both overwhelming and empowering!

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
     TRUE
Kept thinking I could never live without him by my side
     TRUE
But then I spent so many nights,
thinking how he did me wrong
     TRUE
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along
     TRUE

And so you're back...from out of space...
     FALSE

He never came back... and that rejection....that's what hurt most of all.  
First I had to fall out of love and then I had to deal with the rejection.
It took a long time!!  Much more than half of the six years.  
And rejection?  It changes a person...

He's the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye...
I almost crumbled...I wanted to lay down and die
     KNOW WHAT?  I DIDN'T!  

I SURVIVED!

As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
     THANKS TO MY CHILDREN

I've got all my life to live
     TRUE
I've got all my love to give
     TRUE
And I'll SURVIVE!!!!

Now this brings me around to another song I've been singing this past week.
Little diddy...'bout Jack and Diane.  You know...two American kids growing up in the heartland?

You know who I'm talking about, right?
The lyric that has stuck in my head all week is this one.

Oh yeah, life goes on....long after the thrill of living is gone
     IT'S BEEN A BAD WEEK
     I'M MISSING THE THRILL
Oh yeah, life goes on...

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
     TRUE
Kept tryin' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
     TRUE
And I spent oh so many nights feeling sorry for myself
     TRUE (too many)
I used to cry
      A LOT!
But now I hold my head up high!
     MOST DAYS WHEN I'M NOT MISSING THE THRILL

I'm not that chained up little person still in love
     THANK GOD!

I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me :-)
     HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

For the record, this post is not meant, in any way, to be offensive toward Wasband.   This is about me and how I've grown from a very naive and scared woman when he first left to someone who has proven to myself that I WILL SURVIVE.  A divorced relationship is not an easy one to manage, especially when no one involved has any experience.  At the end of the day, I don't think either of us wish ill will toward the other...well, okay, there have been times - LOL, but in all seriousness, I have never wished that he was absent from my children's lives because I know he loves them and they need him.  In the past few weeks, I have taken a huge step to finally be able to let go and truly heal by having an open conversation with his wife.  We have both agreed to take baby steps toward a better relationship with one another.  I am hopeful.  We both know there are things that will come about to cause stress and we've agreed to deal with those as they come without undoing any progress we have made.  We've also agreed to just ask the other about things before assuming tone.  The mother/step-mother relationship is even harder to navigate than the divorced spouse.  I'm supposed to be reading a book I suggested to her that we read together entitled "No One's the Bitch" about how to navigate the mother/stepmother relationship.  I haven't downloaded it yet but I plan to do that next week.  

God has been dealing with me lately to LET IT GO...uhm...I'm not singing that one!
It's not in my nature to hate.  It's also not like me to be unforgiving.  I hope most people who have been a big part of my life know that about me.  It's taken me awhile to get there with this particular situation.  

You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes.  -Author Unknown

Forgiveness will lead to the hope for my future...into eternity.  
I WILL SURVIVE!



Credits to Ms. Gloria Gaynor for her lyrics to "I Will Survive", a song I had heard for years but never truly listened until the lyrics got my attention.