The Whisper Test and Finding Homes for Children Who Are "Born Different"

In church Sunday morning, my pastor, Bro. Kaywood Morris, shared with us a story at the end of his sermon.  He quoted "The Whisper Test," which was written by Mary Ann Bird.

I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I looked to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. When schoolmates asked, "What happened to your lip?" I'd tell them I'd fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me. There was, however, a teacher in the second grade whom we all adored -- Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy -- a sparkling lady. Annually we had a hearing test. ... Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class, and finally it was my turn. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something, and we would have to repeat it back -- things like "The sky is blue" or "Do you have new shoes?" I waited there for those words that God must have put into her mouth, those seven words that changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said, in her whisper, "I wish you were my little girl."

For some reason, I started crying and had a hard time controlling the tears.  I looked over at my friend, Betsy,  and said "that made me cry..." and there was no tissue to be found.  Of course, Bro. Kaywood's point of telling this story was for listeners to realize that God sees all of us as sinners.  God can see past our sin and hopes that all of us will become a child of His - that we will all be adopted into God's kingdom --- but this passage spoke to me on so many more levels...


Most of you who know me, know that I work in the adoption field.  Specifically, I work with families who choose to adopt from China's special need program.  I have never done the math to determine how many adoptions I have been a part of in the 3.5 years I have worked with A Helping Hand Adoption Agency, but I think I may have to run a report this coming week to find out :-)

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about many different special needs.  Cleft Lip and Palate; Congenital Heart Defects (Ventricular Septal Defects, Atrial Septal Defects, Patent Ductus Arteriosis; Tetralogy of Fallot; and many others); Albinism; Hepatitis B; Anal Atresia and Imperforate Anus; Cerebral Palsy; Skin Nevus; Microtia; and numerous other medical conditions.  I have seen children on the waiting child list with conditions that we, in the United States, would not even consider a special need.

For example, my oldest daughter was born with Strabismus and esotropia caused by extreme farsightedness.  Had SHE been born in The People's Republic of China, she would have more than likely been abandoned once her eye condition was discovered and sent to an orphanage to wait for a family.  A pair of glasses has corrected both her eye alignment and vision since she was 2 years old!  Although I was upset that my daughter would have to wear corrective lenses all of her life, I never considered it a special need!  Sure, I grieved for a day or two that my daughter wasn't "perfect" but I didn't grieve for long because two weeks before my daughter was born, my cousin had also given birth to a little boy.  When he was 4 months old, they discovered that he was completely blind.  It didn't take me long to quickly realize that things can "always be worse" and I knew that God had given me what I could handle.

It is the parents who step out on faith and adopt the children who are unwanted and sometimes deemed "unadoptable" for which I have a HUGE respect.  Every parent can tell you how their child's special need has made them see life in a new way.  I have stories of families who thought they were adopting a child with special needs, only to come home, have the child evaluated by a specialist and told the child was completely healthy.  I've also known families who got to China only to find out that their child's special need was a little more than they were expecting.  I could tell many, many stories of families who have adopted a child with a special need but today, I'm going to tell you of a family whose story brings joy and at the same time, breaks my heart...

This particular family adopted a little girl with an extremely complex heart condition.  Had this precious baby girl not been adopted by a loving family and brought to the USA to immediately undergo surgery, she would most certainly have already died in China.

alone.

without a mama.

without a daddy.

without ever knowing the love of a family.

Today she is nearly 5 years old and is doing quite well, although her Mother recently confided in me that she finally got up enough nerve to ask the doctor what her daughter's life expectancy would be.  This mother was given the devastating news that her daughter would possibly not make it out of her teenage years, but could possibly live into her early 20s.  Her defective heart will not be able to sustain her body much longer than that.  This little girl's mother wrote to me in an e-mail, thanking ME for giving her the opportunity to be her mother.  Even with the devastating news that her daughter will not, barring a miracle (which we all know is possible), live a long life, she and her husband and their older daughters will make sure that this little girl knows she is loved.  Her life will be full and happy and best of all, she has her very own family!  This family knew going into the adoption that the little girl who would become their daughter had a very complex heart defect and that her life would be shortened, yet they stepped out in faith and gave her what she so desperately needed - love and a family. 

My job is very rewarding when the opportunity presents itself for me to call families with the wonderful, happy news for which they have been waiting.  There are also times when I must be a cheerleader and encourage families when they get discouraged through the long, difficult waiting process. I've been told by a few clients that I have a very calming voice and they love when I call, because it helps settle their restless souls as they wait.  I also work with families across the United States who say they love to hear my soft, southern accent.  I'm not sure if the soft southern accent helps settle their souls or if its the words I choose to cheer them on, but nevertheless, I feel both are a gift from God, and I will use them to the best of my ability.  Still, there are other times when my job is not easy or fun.  Quite frankly, sometimes it is emotionally difficult for me.   I have access to a database that contains photos and information for approximately 1500 children.  The majority of the children who remain on this list live with severe, life altering medical needs, in orphanages, half way across the world.  Many will NEVER know the love of a family.  Some of these children will be placed in a corner of a room inside an orphanage to "wait to die".  ALONE.  Is there anything more sad?  If there is, I cannot think what it would be...

It was the quote at the beginning of this post, specifically mentioning cleft lip and palate, that made me cry.  I thought of all of the babies who were born in China with cleft lip and palate who I have helped place into loving homes.  Families who saw these little girls (and sometimes boys) with a hole where their lips should be, and who were able to look past the cleft to see the child.  Families not caring that the little girl would have a misshapen lip and a crooked nose, not thinking about the major dental and orthodontic work in the future, nor were they concerned about the time consumption of speech therapy to help her learn to talk once the roof of her mouth was repaired. Those parents, through adoption, have given the same Whisper Test to those waiting children that Mrs. Leonard gave to Mary Ann Bird.  They each saw the pictures and thought, "I wish you were my little girl" and made it happen!

Every child deserves a family and I admit that I'm a little partial to finding families for the children who are "born different".  Mary Ann Bird wrote that she was convinced that no one outside her family could love her, based on the fact that she was born with her cleft lip and palate.  This is simply NOT TRUE!  Just as her teacher whispered that she wished she was her little girl, I can tell many stories of parents who have CHOSEN a child who was "born different", CHOSEN to make a child a part of their family, CHOSEN to love.  And through this choosing, I see GOD at work in people's hearts.  I also see GOD using me as a tool to help match families with children.  Words can not explain how awesome, amazing and wonderful this can be.  Some people give birth to a child with a special need and God gives those families the strength and resiliency to accept and move forward --- just another example of His incredible ability to work in our lives.  Another way God works is by giving people "The Whisper Test".  He asks parents, who are listening to Him, to step out on faith and make a choice that he hasn't forced them to face.  It is after they have heard God's whisper, that many parents talk to me...and that is when my job cycles back to the rewarding phase.