Dear Curt (Letter #1)

Dear Curt,

I can't believe it's been one month.  It still doesn't seem real.  I keep hoping you will call or text or stop by...something...but I know that's not going to happen :-(  I absolutely hate Wednesdays!  Especially lunchtime...specifically between 12:30 and 1:00.   I can't eat a Jimmy Dean Breakfast Bowl because that's what I was eating for lunch the last time I talked to you.  I don't like sitting at the picnic table outside my office because that's where I was sitting when I last talked to you.  I don't play Scramble With Friends anymore, because we were playing that day.  I haven't been able to eat at Burger House.  I don't watch much tv and if I do, I just flip through the channels searching for shows you "made" me watch when I was at your house.  At least one time everyday, I listen to a YouTube playlist of sad songs about losing someone you love.  I sing my heart out to Over You every time it comes on the radio.  There are some other things I do and don't do...you would probably think I was crazy if you were still here...but that's okay...

I've been to the cemetery three times.  The first time I took Mason with me.  He was such a good boy that day.  He stretched out over top of your grave and slept soundly for the longest time...like he knew.  He has grieved for you but he seems much better now.  He's happy.  He and Edison are best buddies.  Edison blames all of his farts on Mason now...instead of you!  Wonder who he learned that from?  I went back yesterday and your grandmother, your Aunt Vicky and Aunt Bonnie were there.  I enjoyed talking to them.  They were talking about how much they missed your laugh so I let them listen to you laugh on the videos I have saved to my phone.  They were telling stories on you too.  They said you had the most beautiful skin when you were little...because your mom kept baby lotion on you til you were about 12 - LOL!  Everyone misses you so bad...everyone is still hurting...just trying to make sense of why you are gone and trying to realize that it's true!  I wish I would have been given the opportunity to meet your family under different circumstances.  Kensley and I went back tonight and the cemetery is beautiful with all the flags out for Memorial Day.  I'm planning to go back over the Memorial Day weekend.  Your stone should be up soon...I dread seeing it..."it really sinks in, ya know...when it's written...in stone."   

Something bad happened today and my broken heart broke all over again...this time for our friend, Kat Lane.  Her boyfriend, Micah Shearer was killed in a tragic car accident last night.  Kat is still grieving your loss and now she's going through the same thing I've been going through losing the man she loved.  Talking to Kat today made me realize that I've made progress in the past month. Of course, she can't see that right now because she hurts too bad.  I'm better...but I still feel the sting of the pain...some days are worse than others...I still miss you...and I guess there is a part of me that always will.  But seeing where Kat is today made me see that it's true what they say...time helps.  In the words of Rose Kennedy, "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."


Kensley and I had fun tonight...well, sort of.  We went frog gigging and we turned into girlie girls after we saw a snake!  It was a water moccasin.  I don't like a snake anymore than you ever did!!  And yeah...I haven't forgotten that you were absolutely NO HELP to me when I had a mouse in the house or that time there was a snake in my drive.  But that's okay...I've got that covered...my Mom and Dad take care of those for me.  Um...and I kind of got grossed out when the frogs would try to crawl off like Lieutenant Dan with no legs and their gallbladder hanging out.  It was disgusting...so I'm not sure we will be doing that again...but we did laugh...and as you know...laughter is good.

Mason has discovered the pond in my backyard and I can't keep him out of it.  When he's sweet, I call him Mason Curtis.  When he's chasing frogs into the pond and jumping and swimming all around the nasty water, I call him Mason CurtDavis!  He's had to sleep outside two nights this week because he was wet and caked with stale pond mud.  Tonight, he was so excited that I let him in that he peed in my bed!!  Grrrrr!  Right now, he's stretched out on the rug by my bed sleeping soundly, where he always slept when you were here.

Back to Micah...I met him a month ago...I went to Godfather's two nights after you died and some of our friends met me up there.  Kat was one of them and she brought Micah with her.  He seemed like a good guy and if Kat liked him, I'm sure you will...so try to find him...show him around and you and Micah can look down on me and Kat and try to keep us out of trouble!  We'll be looking up for the two brightest stars in the sky and know that they are the two of you shining down on us. 

Take care...I miss you...,
Dana