My sister thinks its ridiculous I can remember the date, so I didn't even remind her that I remembered another year had passed. In fact, I only shared it with three people...until you all read this. Remembering dates is both a blessing and a curse. This morning, I woke up, looked at the time and date and it was the first thing I thought of. "Oh! It's February 6th. I've been single for 6 years...has it been six years? Wow! Six years.... Happy Divorce-aversary to me....Six years...I've come a long way..." and then THE song popped into my head. I guess because thinking back to where I was six years ago was both overwhelming and empowering!
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
TRUE
Kept thinking I could never live without him by my side
TRUE
But then I spent so many nights,
thinking how he did me wrong
TRUE
And I grew strong and I learned how to get along
TRUE
And so you're back...from out of space...
FALSE
He never came back... and that rejection....that's what hurt most of all.
First I had to fall out of love and then I had to deal with the rejection.
It took a long time!! Much more than half of the six years.
And rejection? It changes a person...
He's the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye...
I almost crumbled...I wanted to lay down and die
KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T!
I SURVIVED!
As long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
THANKS TO MY CHILDREN
I've got all my life to live
TRUE
I've got all my love to give
TRUE
And I'll SURVIVE!!!!
Now this brings me around to another song I've been singing this past week.
Little diddy...'bout Jack and Diane. You know...two American kids growing up in the heartland?
You know who I'm talking about, right?
The lyric that has stuck in my head all week is this one.
Oh yeah, life goes on....long after the thrill of living is gone
IT'S BEEN A BAD WEEK
I'M MISSING THE THRILL
Oh yeah, life goes on...
It took all the strength I had not to fall apart
TRUE
Kept tryin' hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart
TRUE
And I spent oh so many nights feeling sorry for myself
TRUE (too many)
I used to cry
A LOT!
But now I hold my head up high!
MOST DAYS WHEN I'M NOT MISSING THE THRILL
I'm not that chained up little person still in love
THANK GOD!
I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me :-)
HOPE FOR THE FUTURE
For the record, this post is not meant, in any way, to be offensive toward Wasband. This is about me and how I've grown from a very naive and scared woman when he first left to someone who has proven to myself that I WILL SURVIVE. A divorced relationship is not an easy one to manage, especially when no one involved has any experience. At the end of the day, I don't think either of us wish ill will toward the other...well, okay, there have been times - LOL, but in all seriousness, I have never wished that he was absent from my children's lives because I know he loves them and they need him. In the past few weeks, I have taken a huge step to finally be able to let go and truly heal by having an open conversation with his wife. We have both agreed to take baby steps toward a better relationship with one another. I am hopeful. We both know there are things that will come about to cause stress and we've agreed to deal with those as they come without undoing any progress we have made. We've also agreed to just ask the other about things before assuming tone. The mother/step-mother relationship is even harder to navigate than the divorced spouse. I'm supposed to be reading a book I suggested to her that we read together entitled "No One's the Bitch" about how to navigate the mother/stepmother relationship. I haven't downloaded it yet but I plan to do that next week.
God has been dealing with me lately to LET IT GO...uhm...I'm not singing that one!
It's not in my nature to hate. It's also not like me to be unforgiving. I hope most people who have been a big part of my life know that about me. It's taken me awhile to get there with this particular situation.
You will begin to heal when you let go of past hurts, forgive those who have wronged you and learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes. -Author Unknown
Forgiveness will lead to the hope for my future...into eternity.
I WILL SURVIVE!
Credits to Ms. Gloria Gaynor for her lyrics to "I Will Survive", a song I had heard for years but never truly listened until the lyrics got my attention.
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