After our first "date", he backed off again, and told me the same thing he had told me 100 times previously... "Dana...I don't want to hurt you...and I am not ready for a relationship."
I told him that was fine, I didn't really want a relationship either...because, truth be told, I liked Curt as a friend and while, initially, I didn't think we would ever be more, he was growing on me. His life had changed a lot between May and November - he was changing, and the more I hung out with him and got to know him, the more I liked him, but honestly, I had no intention of setting myself up to be hurt by another man and I kept my heart protected. If he didn't want more, I was not going to expect anything other.
Then...my birthday rolled around...
It was December 10th and I had a big night planned...some girlfriends and I went to see a movie (I can't even remember which one...New Years Eve maybe) and then we went to Guadalajara and watched the Kentucky Basketball team lose their first basketball game of the season, and then we went to Godfather's and ended up at The Pocket. I had different people meeting me at different places. Curt wanted to meet up with us at Godfather's and offered to be the DD that night. He said he had never been the DD unless it was the drunk driver! (OH! Dear!) however, he wanted to do that for me. For whatever reason, he opened up that night...everyone kept telling me they could tell he was crazy about me. He was attentive and affectionate...very different from before. He drove my friends and I to The Pocket and I got the feeling that things were changing between us, but I kept the cage around my heart, just in case I was mistaken.
Anytime the word "girlfriend" was mentioned...Curt would freak out...and say, "no...we are just friends" and I tried not to let it bother me because as much as I liked Curt, there were things about him that scared the crap out of me - like the fact that everything was always a joke, he acted like he was 13 years old, we seemed to have nothing in common and his goals in life were very different than mine...or. so. I. thought.
The more we were around each other, the more serious subjects came up and I learned that he didn't always joke around. I discovered he was very intelligent and had a lot of life experiences which had shaped the man he had become. I told my mom one time that he reminded me so much of my Dad that it was creepy!!! Things he would say...phrases he would use...things he enjoyed. Oh! He still acted like he was 13. He thought passing gas and practical jokes were the funniest things ever!!! Also not unlike my Dad. And while we didn't have a lot in common, we had a lot of common ground. I enjoyed learning about his work and he always asked about mine. We talked alot about our past...growing up, going to church, our families, teenage years, marriage, etc. I enjoyed spending time with him on the farm and in the shop. One day, I told him that one of the things I missed most about being married was no longer owning my own home and and he told me that was a dream of his...to build a house on the farm. He had some really good qualities and I enjoyed every moment with him.
Curt had stated from the beginning that anything between us would be dependent on Gabby. He said, "I'm sorry, but if Gabby doesn't like you...it's never gonna work and I'm not going to even introduce you to Gabby until I figure out if I think it's something that I might want." I had met Gabby back in May. She was with Curt the first time we talked at Mariachi's. The second time we met up at Mariachi's, I had Edison with me. One Friday evening in December, I was officially introduced to Miss Gabby. Curt seemed anxious for us to meet. I remember him calling me on my way to his house. He said, "Okay, let me tell you how to win Gabby over, she likes girlie things, if you straighten her hair, braid her hair, paint her nails, watch chick flicks, whatever...she's gonna like you." I said, "Curt, calm down, I'm used to girls...I have an 18 year old and a 14 year old...I know what 8 year olds like. I'll be fine...I'm not scared."
He made it clear that Gabby came first and that he had even ended a relationship with one girl who suggested that she would enjoy him more if he didn't have Gabby around as much. He told her to leave and said he never saw her again. We had the talk about how a relationship the second time around is different because of kids. I shared my theory with him on secondary relationships. Here it is:
The first time you meet someone and fall in love, you are usually both young and childless. You can focus solely on each other, learn who the other person is as an individual and grow into this parenting role with them after you have children together. The children can and should be secondary in your initial relationship. BUT...when you get divorced, and have children, you go into your next relationship already having those children and they have to be your first obligation because they are your first family. Any future relationship must include each of those children and you have to make sure each child is fully accepted by the new person and the new person accepted by the children. That means, you have to work extra hard on the second relationship. You rarely get the one-on-one time because you are already parents and the 2nd time around you have tons of responsibilities. You have to focus on the unit as a whole when you are all together and then take full advantage of those times when it is just the two of you, to talk about your beliefs and goals and dreams...and parenting. After you have children, there are few times when you are not in parent mode...and when the opportunity occurs, you have to be ready to take it!
Curt agreed with my theory, was happy to learn that I felt the same way he did and luckily, Gabby liked me...
(to be continued)
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