Reeling Him In (part 2) and the status of my Relationship Status

Gabby and I quickly became friends.  Every other Friday night, it was just me and Curt and Gabby.  We usually went out to eat, Mexican more times than anything else, and came back to watch a movie that Gabby and I had chosen. We preferred "chick flicks" and Curt would suffer through them. We watched the Twilight movies.  I was Team Edward...Gabby was Team Jacob.  One night, she cut a passport photo sized picture of Edward Cullen from a magazine and gave it to me.  From that day, I have carried it in my cell phone cover and I plan to always keep it because it reminds me of her and her dad :-)

I will never watch Edward Cullen in the Twilight series and not think of Curt in the future.  I may share that story one day...but for now, that is my story...so I'm not sure...

One of Curt's favorite movies was PURE COUNTRY II: THE GIFT and we watched it three times in the year that I had known him.  He especially enjoyed watching it with Gabby and he would always ask Gabby to name the three rules from the movie which she could easily rattle off.  (1) Never lie; (2) Always be fair; and (3) Never break a promise. 

Sometime between my birthday and December 23rd, he asked me if I would go shopping with him for Gabby's Christmas...he needed help. He knew what he wanted to get her...he just needed some female assistance in picking it all out. I teased him and said "buying Christmas presents for your daughter is more like girlfriend status than friend status". He just smiled and said, "you know the word girlfriend scares the hell out of me." I just smiled, and said "yes I know"

December 23rd was Kensley's birthday. I spent the day in Lexington with her and stayed in contact with Curt most of the day via text. He sent me a text at some point in the afternoon asking for Emily's number. The next thing I know, Emily is calling me asking me if she can go on a "date" with Curt. I sent a text to Curt that said, "WTH?" He immediately called and asked "What?" and I said, "why do you want to take my 18 year old daughter on a date?" and he started laughing and said, "Calm down, Mama Bear, I'm not interested in your daughter! I just feel sorry for her because you've been in Lexington all day with Kensley and she has been home all day and I thought I would take her to The Depot for dinner." And I said, "well, you'll have to be quick, because we are planning to head home soon and we are having birthday cake for Kensley at my mom and dad's house." He said, "Okay." He and Emily became friends from the first time they had met. Curt could relate to the rebellious teenager in Emily moreso than I could. Before I knew it, Emily, who had been living with my parents, wanted to move back in with me. Curt made her realize that she needed her mom and that she might regret it someday if she didn't move home. As I type this, I'm realizing that the Curt and Emily story needs its own blog entry. Back to the "date" with Emily. After they ate, Curt ended up coming to my mom and dad's to have birthday cake for Kensley's birthday. He stood in the corner next to the door and didn't say much.  Later he told me he didn't really want to come but didn't want to say no to me and Emily after we had both asked him.  We all took him home that night...

The next day, December 24th, Emily told me that the real reason Curt had asked her out to dinner was to find out how I felt about him, because he wanted more, but couldn't "read me". I guess I was doing a pretty good job of keeping my heart from getting hurt and had the steel cage completely locked tight. Emily also let it slip that Curt had taken her shopping to buy gifts for me but that she was not allowed to say they were from him, that the tags had to say they were from Emily, Kensley and Edison. He was quite upset when he realized that when Emily put the tag on my gifts, that she had written that they were from Curt, Emily, Kensley and Edison. Needless to say, I was happy.

As I have stated before, Curt stayed at my house on the 24th and we spent Christmas morning together until he got a call that Gabby was awake and ready to open her gifts. I met my family for dinner and my kids came home around lunchtime. We opened gifts and I don't remember all that I got but I do recall that one of the gifts that Curt had bought for me was a new iPhone case. I knew he was a little upset when I returned from my trip to Lexington with Kensley and I had purchased myself a new iPhone case with some birthday money I had.  I didn't really know why he acted the way he did until later.  I carried the one I had bought myself until after he died and about two weeks later I started using the one he had bought me for Christmas :-)  I'm so happy to have it as another reminder!

Christmas Day 2011 was extremely warm.  Curt called later that afternoon and asked what they kids had gotten from their Dad.  I told him that Emily got a stereo for her car.  He told me to come down and he would put it in...so we did.  We all hung out together outside, he worked on installing Emily's stereo, we ate on the country ham he had smoked, and some of his friends dropped by.  Later that night, we all went to Scott Lane's house for a couch burning!!!!  Good times I tell ya :-)

Finally, it was New Year's Eve - best night EVER! Except for one incident that I won't write about (You're welcome, Kat :-)) Curt and I went to Rafferty's for dinner and then to Momma's Last Chance Saloon. He had a really good time and I was his DD as he was also celebrating his 34th birthday a little early (January 4). That was the night that Curt told me how he really felt about me...of course...I had started to figure it out. He said, "when you talk to other guys, I get jealous...and if I didn't have feelings for you, it wouldn't matter. when you don't call or text me, I can't stand it...and I have to call or text you. I fell for you and I'm mad at myself for falling! but I'm not gonna fight it anymore" He let everyone know how he felt about me that night.  He was laughing and joking and telling famous Curt Davis stories with some old friends.  He slow danced with me many times that night and would say "come on, let's do some belly rubbin'."  He also embarrassed me to death doing the Chicken Dance trying to win a contest!  I was afraid he wouldn't remember anything that he had said to me...because...like I said, he was celebrating in a big way.

The next morning, when he finally raised his head, I said...your eyes are wild looking.  They were blue as ever, glazed over and shiny, surrounded with light pink where the white usually is.  I said, "Oh...your eyes look wild!" and he said, "You should be on this side looking out!" and dropped his head back down on the pillow.  In a few minutes, he popped up again and said, "Let's go eat" so we got up and had a huge, yummy breakfast at Garrett's.   

While eating, I hesitantly asked, "Do you remember anything you said to me last night?" and his answer was, "Unfortunately, I remember it all." And so I said, "I'm scared to ask this, but is that how you really feel?" and he said, "It scares the hell out of me, but yes, that's how I feel about you." Even then, we were both scared of what being in a "relationship" truly meant and wondered if we were ready to take things a step forward and although things changed between us from that night, I still kept that wall of protection around my heart.

From that point forward, we had our kids around each other more. By that time, I had discovered that all of my kids liked him and he liked each of my kids. He related to each of them differently and I enjoyed watching him interact with Emily, Kensley and Edison.  He brought stability and fun into our lives.  He knew I adored Gabby and Gabby made it clear that she really liked me. It was chaotic when we were all together, but we tried to keep it organized and make it fun!

In February, I traveled to China for a week. I got miserably sick and Curt worried about me. I missed him so much while I was halfway around the world and all he wanted was for me to be home. Absence definitely made the heart grow fonder and when I returned...we became inseperable. It was soon thereafter, sometime in February, that Curt was discussing Facebook relationship statuses with Sam, the bartender at Godfathers and surprised me when he told her that he had tried to change his relationship status from his phone but he couldn't figure out how to do it. I informed him that you could only do that from your computer and he said, "well, when we get home, you need to show me how" and I was like "really? we are going to change our relationship status?" and he sad, "yep...it's time." When we got to his house that night, he immediately went to his room, logged into Facebook, asked me where to go to change his status and changed it right then and there.  He logged out...logged in for me and I sat on his lap while I changed mine ...and before I hit "enter" I turned around and said, "this is really a big deal for me...and I think I'm having an anxiety attack!"  He gave me a big hug...and said "You'll be alright honey!" (and I wish you all could hear the way he said "honey" and the inflection he used in the sentence...because those are the things I miss so much about him...his voice, his word choices, his pronunciations...everything...)

So...Facebook still says that Dana Woods is in a relationship with Curt Davis and Curt Davis is in a relationship with Dana Woods.  I don't know when I'm going to be able to change that...because...when I do...

it's over.
and.
it's final.

And I know that I'm going to shed many tears and be a little bit depressed when it's time to make this change.  There will be no turning back because he's not here to confirm the change if I want to fix it back.  We all know the reality - while the memories of Curt and I will never end...the relationship with Curt that I enjoyed, that I wanted, that made me a very happy has ended!  Sad...but true :-( 

But also true is the fact that plain and simple, I'm just not ready yet.  I realize it's something I will eventually have to do, but for now, I'm not ready to let go...