It Takes Me Awhile...

It takes me awhile to get over things. For instance, my husband left me over 5 years ago and I still struggle with the aftermath of that. It took awhile for me to even date again. The few guys I have met have contributed to destroying my self esteem even more than the man I was married to. Two years post divorce I dated a guy who died unexpectedly for a stupid reason and I continue to deal with that. It seems that most men I have ever trusted my heart with has lied, cheated, betrayed or deceived me in a big way. 

Needless to say a HUGE part of my self-esteem issues revolve around... REJECTION and because of that I easily slip into the "friend" mode. It's easier to set yourself up as a friend than to put yourself out there to be rejected. A person can only take so much of that!

And so, I'm always perplexed by the  people who have split up from their boyfriends or divorced theirs spouses, or how those who have lost loved ones due to death, can move on so quickly. Many are now engaged. Some have children with new partners.  Others have had multiple new people in their lives and still others are remarried and I'm just over here like...huh?

I know people grieve differently.  I grieved the loss of my marriage like a death. And the death of a boyfriend was painful in itself and then brought back the grief from the marriage loss and it seems to be a vicious cycle.  Anytime I face rejection it brings it all back. Sounds like I need counseling...or maybe I'm picky and I've realized I'm not desperate. I've proven I can make it on my own and although it would be nice to walk through life with someone, I'm not willing to settle. 

If that means I'll be single forever, then so be it. Although it hasn't always been easy, I don't regret the time I've taken to heal from the hurt and to help my children heal from theirs. We are all still very much a work in progress with the life we've been forced to face. 

Hope you've enjoyed another entry of "Dana Shares Too Much". This will come back to bite me when I want to run for political office. Oh, who am I kidding?  I would never set myself up for that rejection!

It Was a Privilege...

PLEASE NOTE there are possible spoilers to the book "The Fault in our Stars" so if you haven't read it and plan to, be warned!

I happen to be a fan of Young Adult fiction and after having a few quotes from this book catch my attention on Pinterest, started reading The Fault in our Stars by John Green earlier this week.  By last night I was in the thick of it and could not stop turning the pages. This evening I'm exhausted as I was up until 2 a.m. finishing it. I soaked 5 tissues with my tears and at one point laid my iPad down and bawled.  It took a good hour and a half to process what I had read enough to be able to sleep.

First and foremost it's a sweet love story between two teenagers who meet in a cancer support group. There are definitely funny parts and I laughed out loud many times.  Terminal cancer diagnosis are involved. Terminal cancer leads to death. Death and dying bring grief and tears. Tears require tissues.  The book is part tragedy.  

With this being the anniversary week of the second year that Curt is no longer here, he has been on my mind a lot!  I can only think of one day in two years that I went an entire day without thinking of him. I panicked at bedtime when I realized I hadn't thought about him and it hasn't happened since. It's not always sad. Most times I smile with happy memories.  It may be a Dodge Dually flatbed rolling down the highway, big stacks on a Dodge Ram, diesel smoke, the smell of a Marlboro, Wrangler jeans, something somebody says, a picture or post by Gabby, a Peterbilt truck, an AC/DC song, a Mocha Frappe, a Carharrt symbol, a tv show, an Ale-8 bottle, Garth Brooks, someone's blue eyes...any number of things that I may see or hear throughout any day which will cause Curt Davis to cross my mind.

As I read one part of the book last night I was comforted in knowing, after having experienced a  painful loss of my own, that time certainly heals. When you first begin facing the shock you wonder how you will ever accomplish getting through a day without crying or without feeling like a giant part of your heart is missing.  Reading near the end of the book, I was able to feel some of the same raw emotion I felt two years ago upon learning of Curt's death and then walking through the motions of his visitation and funeral.  Don't get me wrong, I was thankful it was a book of fiction and I wasn't forced to fully experience a loss of that magnitude all over again but the author did a great job getting into my thoughts during that time.  

"...and then I realized there was no one else to call, which was the saddest thing. The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Waters' death, was Augustus Waters."  I can relate. I wanted one more conversation. I wanted answers. I wanted closure. 

"The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with."  It's strange that in the initial stages of grief you are able to recall so many memories and then you slowly realize those memories are fading. With the passage of more time you understand there are some things you have to let go and then, something may occur 5 months later, 14 months later or two years later, and you must be reminded to "let it go" because holding on keeps you imprisoned in a pit that's difficult to climb and keeps you from enjoying life.

There was one quote that hit me hard.  When Hazel Grace walks up to the casket and had the thought that she "would never see his blue eyes again" I had a setback and it was at that point my iPad was set aside and I cried, hard, similar to those first few raw days, because...even though it's been two years and even though i feel I've finally accepted his death and moved on to whatever my future may hold,I am broken hearted, not just for myself, but for everyone who truly knew him and loved him, because we will "never see his blue eyes again."

With that being said there were two other quotes in the book that were, in my opinion, perfect. 

"It [was] a privilege to have my heart broken by you" knowing "grief does not change you...it reveals you."  

In Memory of 

Curtis Wayne Davis

1/4/78 - 4/25/12

Lesson Learned...Moving On...

After my cryptic Facebook post yesterday, many have asked me to elaborate, so after a 7 month break from blogging, I have returned, so that you...my dear Facebook followers and Blogspot friends, may laugh...at my expense - LOLOLOLOL!

I haven't been out much since Curt died.  I went a little crazy the summer after his death trying to put things into perspective...the wrong way...and then I met someone who pointed me back in the right direction.  I've definitely changed...for the better (I think) and have gotten back in touch with the REAL Dana Woods :-). 

This past weekend, I decided to go out with my friend Kathy to see my favorite band, Trailer Trash, performing at Momma's Last Chance Saloon, as it was their last performance in our fine State of Kentucky and we wanted to see them one last time before they go their separate ways.  I grew up with one of the band members and became friends with another.  I've spent several weekends with them since I've been divorced.  I'm not one to go clubbing or to hang out in bars, but there was a comfort level with TTB just because I knew the band and I knew their wives and I knew some of their regular followers, so I when I went to listen, there were always people there that I knew and enjoyed being with.  I have some great memories with that band and...I'm going to miss them. 

I've also never been one to drink a lot of alcohol but I do enjoy a mixed drink or a glass or two of Moscato wine from time to time.  I was sitting at a bar table with some of my "kinfolk" from one side of the family, when a good looking guy asked if he could buy me a drink.  I told him I was not drinking and he went on to the bar.  Kathy said, "Dana, you could have told him you'd have a Diet Coke."  I looked at her and said "Well...I'm not thirsty so I didn't think about it...and you know I'm bad at this game."  She laughed.  The guy returned and sat with us.  We exchanged all the "let's get to know each other a little bit" information, such as what's your name, where are you from, where do you live, where do you work, blah blah blah.  Things were going well...and he asked if I wanted to dance.  Of course I did, what girl doesn't like a slow dance, right?  So, we talked more on the dance floor, and then I mingled with some friends and he mingled with his.  We said "Goodnight" and I thought that was the end.

I was starving.  It was 1:20 in the morning.  Everyone who has hung out at a bar, saloon, honky tonk, etc., knows that the only place open at 1:20 in the morning is.... WAFFLE HOUSE.  I don't think any of us were ready to say goodbye to Trailer Trash so several of us drove on over to Waffle House to eat breakfast.  Kathy and I walked in and had a seat at a booth for four.  The friend of the guy I had talked to at the bar came and asked if they could sit with us...we said "Sure!  Come on over!" and they did. 

And this is where it gets interesting...

The guy (I am not printing his name in order to protect our innocence to a situation we had no idea we were getting into), asked me where I was from.  I said "Garrard County".  He said, "I'm from Lexington but my Dad was from Garrard County."  About the same time, I said "You told me your first name but you never told me your last."  As soon as he said his last name, I said "What? Can you repeat that?" and Kathy said "Spell it!" and as soon as he spelled it, I knew we had to be related.  I said "Who is your Dad?" and he told me his Dad's first name.  I said "Oh...I know a guy with that name but he's deceased."  He said, "My dad died several years ago."  I said, very matter of factly, "I know we have to be cousins."  He said "Surely not, my grandmother is [he inserted her name]" and I said "yes, and your grandfather is [I inserted his name] and this is just great because YOUR grandfather and MY grandmother are BROTHER AND SISTER!  Oh! and your grandmother's oak kitchen table sits in my dining room!" 

By this time, Kathy has put it all together and is practically laying down on the bench saying, "You all are 3rd cousins!!  Bwahahahaha!!" as she is laughing uncontrollably and apologizing for the laughter at the same time.

I asked him why I never saw him at a Family Reunion and he said "Because you all are all into horseback riding and barns and hay and that just isn't my thing.  I came when I was little."  I asked "Why aren't you on our Family Reunion Facebook page?" and he said "I don't know, I didn't know we had one!"  And we proceeded to discuss how small our world really is that we would not see each other since we were little and really not even know one another, and then run into each other at a place half way in between the two places we grew up, be drawn to one another...only to find out that we are FAMILY!

So, anyway...some of the lessons I learned include: 

1. Any hott guy I meet could be related because we have good looking men in our family!
2. In addition to asking for first and last names when first meeting someone, I will also start asking for information about their family tree/bloodline.
3. When both your mom and dad come from large families and everyone has stayed closed to the same county, you are more than likely related in some way.
4. Being part of a huge family is both a blessing...and sometimes a curse.

When I told my mom and dad this story, they just laughed and my mom said "this is both hilarious...and a little bit sad."  I just don't think it is meant for me to find anyone because that revelation certainly put the brakes on any future with him - LOL.

I am happy to have met a long lost cousin, and he was a complete gentleman and bought my breakfast.  And seriously, I'm glad we figured that all out before anything became more awkward than it already was!!

Lesson Learned.  I'm Moving on...Next Please :-)

Dana's Visit to Suzhou No. 1 Silk Factory

 I visited a Chinese Silk Factory on my 2nd day in Suzhou, Jiangsu Province, China.  It was Choyers Suzhou No. 1 Silk Factory.  Built in 1926, Suzhou No. 1 Silk Factory is a model for industrial tourism in China where the complete process of mulberry planting, silkworm raising, silk reeling, silk weaving and silk quilt making take place and can be seen by visitors. 

 

Little baby silk worms eating mulberry leaves.

These silkworms have been eating mulberry leaves for a little longer and are much fatter.

 

Once the silkworms mature, they begin making cocoons.  Several ways they do this is demonstrated within the factory. 

 
 
 

 

 

Of course, it all begins with a moth who lays eggs to allow new silk worms to begin growing.

 Cocoon Cooking - The cocoon coking is to make use of the effects of water and steam to let the cocoon cavity absorb a certain volume of water to cause the sericin around the silk to properly expand, moisten and dissolve, so as to reduce the gumming force among the silk, and thus to enable the cocoon silk to be separated continuously during silk reeling.  The process of cocoon cooking is completed through the circulating of stainless steel cocoon-cooking machine.

This guy was dancing for me as I was taking his picture :-)

Next, the cocoons are "graded".  The grading process is the first procedure of the silk reeling production.  The silkworms, because of their individual difference and difference of environment in which they are producing silk and cocooning, make cocoons not of the same quality.  Some of them can be used for silk reeling, while others cannot.  The aim of the grading of cocoons is to grade them according to demands to pick out the cocoons not fit for silk reeling.  The cocoons of clean and white color, good luster, uniform layer thickness and neat shape and size are called first-choice cocoons and may be used for silk reelings.  Twin cocoons are usually used to make silk floss quilts because the silk of the two become entwined and cannot be separated for reeling.  The cocoons which are yellow spotted, perforated, thin shelled or flossy, have to be rejected.

The silk reeling is a production procedure to change the cocoon into silk.  The multi-ends silk reeling is to cohere a number of cocoon silks together from several cocoons in light of the thickness specification requirements of the raw silk after the cooked cocoons have been manually brushed and picked into correct end cocoons with one end from one cocoon.  When end dropping arises during silk reeling, it is necessary to add in the picked correct cocoons in good time to always maintain the fixed number of cocoons, so as to ensure the specifications and quality of the raw silk. 

 If you look closely at the photo above, you can see the very delicate silk strands coming from the 7 different cocoons.  Below is a video of the machine in motion.  I can't remember if the leftover shell from the worm is in the video or not. 

Re-reeling - the skein formed in the silk reeling contains a lot of moisture so the silk is re-reeled to properly dry the skein, at the same time to retain the elasticity, strength and elongation rate and to make the skeins into bunches of certain specifications to be baled and boxed for convenient transport and storage. 

Silk Weaving -

A video of the silk weaving machine...

















Two of the Wilcox kids shown helping to stretch the silk from the twinned cocoons to be used for quilt batting.

Employees stretching multiple layers of silk from the twinned cocoons onto a table to be used for quilt batting. 

For whatever reason I didn't take any photos of the finished products but you've seen silk.  It's just hard to imagine that so many annoying little worms give up their right to become moths because of our desire for exquisitely produced silk products. 

Very interesting process.  So happy the Wilcox family brought me to see this :-)
May 17, 2013 - Suzhou China

Lessons Learned

In three days, I will be returning to China.  My ticket is purchased.  My travel visa has been approved.  My hotel rooms are booked.  I'm both excited and nervous.  I have looked everywhere for a list I made on my way home entitled "Things I Don't Want to Forget About My First Trip to China" in hopes of printing it as my blog, but since I can't find it...I'll just have to write the most memorable lessons learned and what I hope to take with me to China on this trip...

#1 - First and foremost...DO NOT DRINK THE TAP WATER.  I plan to do whatever it takes to make sure I do not do this, even if it means duct taping my own mouth while showering, taping the faucets so they can't be turned on, and having bottled water gorilla glued to my hand while brushing my teeth.  IF I decide that I need to mix water with anything, I will BOIL bottled water in the hot pot located in the room and not merely heat the tap water.  I WILL NOT EVER DRINK WATER FROM THE TAP IN CHINA AGAIN and I will also NOT ask that lettuce be added to my sandwich if I eat at Subway this time because, more than likely, it is washed in tap water.  If I learned anything...it is DO NOT DRINK THE TAP WATER...don't even let it near your lips!  It will make you violently ill and ruin your week.

#2 - Some camera's are racist...particularly, my mother's. Each time I would take a photo of a smiling Chinese person, the camera would flash a message to me that said "Blink Detected".  I'm pretty sure that "Blink Detection" is not an option sold on a camera in China, but since I don't have a camera other than my iPhone, I will probably have to take my mom's politically incorrect camera back to China with me :-)

#3 - Domestic flights inside China are confusing.  Last time, China Southern took us West and China Eastern took us North.  I am probably one of the most directionally challenged persons on this Earth so this perplexed me. This time, I have no travel companion...I'm on my own...so, hopefully I won't get lost!  There are so many people in China.  We aren't talking Bluegrass Airport in Lexington here where you might have 20 people at most in line for security 1 hour before your flight is scheduled to leave. I will be surrounded by hundreds of people who will be pushing their way through the gate speaking in a language that I neither comprehend nor even begin to try to speak.  Last time, as I was trying to get through security, Lisa was ahead of me and got through.  I was stopped and I had no idea why. Imagine a young Kentucky boy trying to communicate to an Asian lady who spoke no English to tell her there was a problem.  In this case, it was a young Chinese boy trying to communicate to an American lady who spoke no Chinese that there was a problem.  He would look at me, look at my passport, turn and look behind him.  Finally, he said "Some Ting Wong".  My heart sank and I began experiencing tachycardia (that's a fast heart rate), my face became flushed.  There are probably 20 security lines and the way they are set up, you can't see the people who have gone on ahead of you so there I was...alone and had lost sight of Lisa.  When I could finally ask what the problem was, he couldn't understand my question, but I guess he saw my look of terror and replied, "Machine bwoke. You okay."  Shewwww.  I was expecting to be whisked away at any moment with no one's knowledge and questioned in a language I couldn't understand. I calmed a little, said a prayer, and a few moments later, got the green light to continue.

#4 - Don't forget that squatty potties are elevated and when you step out of the stall, there is a step down.  Last time I traveled in February in cold weather.  While in the airport traveling to a different city, I was ill, I was wearing layers of clothes, I had on a heavy down jacket, with a heavy packpack on my back.  As I stepped out of the stall, I forgot there was a stepdown and so...I fell out of the stall landing on my left hip and rolled around on the floor like a weeble wobble trying to assess the damage.  I would have laid there and cried if it wasn't for the blessing that no one was in there at the time and I could hear people coming and so I quickly got up, pulled myself together, washed my hands and limped out of the restroom rubbing my hip and praying I would be able to walk the next day. 

You may ask if there were any good times?  Honestly, I don't recall, because the first trip was absolutely the most miserable I have ever been in my entire life.  Yes, I met some great people and I got to interact with several very sweet children.  Even through the meetings and meals, I was concentrating on not throwing up, which is not an easy task when chicken feet are on the breakfast buffet!

During staff meeting on Friday, prayers were prayed for my upcoming travels and experience in China.  Our Executive Director, Lisa, said "OH Dana! Let me go grab a Bible.  During my devotional this morning, I ran across a verse meant just for you." 

⁸ We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,^[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. ⁹ Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰ He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, ¹¹ as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.      2nd Corinthians 1:8-11

This verse accompanied a daily devotional found in a book entitled "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young which I normally read each day as well.  That evening, I read the May 10th devotional that went along with the verse.  It reminded me not to resist or run from the difficulties in my life. My problems are not random mistakes, rather they are hand-tailored blessings designed for my benefit and growth.  I should continue to embrace all the circumstances allowed in my life, trusting God to bring good from each of them.  Problems should be viewed as opportunities to rely fully on Jesus.   Feelings of stress and fear should be an alert to me that I need more God and these needs open the door for me to be dependent on Him as I'm alone in a foreign country. 

You all know that I'm not all that excited to go back to China, especially alone, but I'm in a different place in my life in May 2013 than I was in February 2012.  During my last visit, I experienced troubles in Asia feeling I had received a sentence of death.  I realize now that happened so that rather than relying on myself or others that I would rely on God.  I will certainly be forced to do this on this trip.  He delivered me from that deadly peril and he will deliver me again.  I ask for your help through prayer and I'll do my best to keep you all updated on my travels through this blog...or Facebook :-)  I have a feeling that this is going to be a GREAT TRIP!!!

The Lonely Lightning Bug

In ways it seems it just happened and in other ways it seems forever ago.  When I think of that day, April 25, 2012, it comes in flashes...talking to him, getting a phone call that he was found unresponsive, leaving work in a panic, driving, making frantic phone calls, meeting my mom and dad, getting in their car, receiving the call that confirmed my worst fear...arriving at the scene, seeing his truck, the yellow POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS tape, meeting his mother for the very first time, seeing his daughter, his family, my phone blowing up with calls and messages, my very best friends coming to be by my side, being interviewed by KSP, a white sheet covered stretcher, the Coroner's van driving away, my Facebook status that said "My heart is broken..."

In shock is where I was one year ago, my heart once again shattered, but somewhere along the way I was able to pick up the pieces and somehow continue living this

complicated
confusing
unpredictable
sometimes unbearable
crazy thing we call life

I have leaned on my family and true friends for support.  I've made new friends, I have lost "friends", I got closer to a few and grew apart from others. To everyone who has been there...I am forever grateful! 

Grief recovery is difficult.  In and of itself, grief is complicated, confusing, unpredictable, sometimes unbearable and will make you feel like you are going crazy! A person is forced to deal with grief by also facing everyday life, and that, in and of itself, is not always so easy. 

Curt Davis passed away on an unseasonably warm April afternoon. As I recall, we had experienced several days of warm weather.  I left the place where we had all gathered and went to Curt's house to pick up Mason...his dog who became mine that day.  At some point, I arrived at my Mom and Dad's house and as night fell, I saw a lonely lightning bug in the distance.  Lost in the muddle of everything that was crossing my mind, I somehow made a mental note that I was seeing the first lightning bug of the season.  Quietly, I was searching for any sign that God was in control of this complicated, confusing, unpredictable, unbearable situation, and I would later find out that He sent a lightning bug.    

The next afternoon, Emily said, "Mom, you are going to think I'm crazy, but I think God sent a lightning bug to let me know that Curt is okay and that you're gonna be okay too."  Remembering the lone lightning bug I saw in the distance the night before, I asked her to tell me more.  She said that as I was standing outside talking with my friends, she was standing behind me and that a lightning bug flew all around the back of my head, lighting up repeatedly.  She told me it was the only one she saw that night and everywhere I would move the lightning bug stayed with me.  She said, "It was like Curt...following you everywhere."  She said it gave her a little bit of peace.  I told her my story and we wondered if it was the same lightning bug. 

I shared our lightning bug story with my friend, Kathy, and asked if we were crazy.  She shared with me a similar story...an experience with another of God's creatures that she experienced after her husband passed away.  I also recall a family who has no doubt that a butterfly was sent as their message of hope immediately following the loss of their son/brother. 

But my lightning bug story doesn't end there...it goes one step further...about a week later.  My cousin, Lisa and I, were sitting on my front porch at dusk. Directly across the road from my house, were hundreds of lightning bugs, doing their little dance and lighting up like crazy.  Lisa, having no idea that Emily and I had lightning bug stories said, "Look at all those lightning bugs!  I have not seen one at my house.  I guess because they are all down here!" 

Confirmation...

The Firefly -  representing the light that Curt brought into my life, if only for a short season and a reminder that God is always lighting my path, even when I close my eyes refusing to see it.  I thank God for all of His creation, the people he has sent into my life, a sweet dog named Mason and for sending fireflies each Spring to remind me that everything is going to be okay.  For the changing seasons on this Earth and His patience with me through the changing seasons in my life.  For the realization that above all, I need to seek His will for my life as he lights the darkness...

From "All My Life" by The Band Perry..."Would you catch a thousand fireflies, yeah put them in a lamp to light my world.  All dressed up in a tux and bow tie hand delivered to a lonely girl." 

Happy S.A.D. Day :-)

Today is Single's Awareness Day. Some of you may call it Valentine's Day.  Others may refer to it as February 14th. Some may not care and just think it's another Thursday.  Some of you may call it an overly consumer rated Hallmark holiday.  Still others may be celebrating their wedding anniversary (I hear it's a very popular day to do this). Regardless of what YOU call it, I really dislike loathe despise HATE this holiday.  Happy SAD Day to me!

Pitiful...I know. Truly, the entire day is a reminder to single people everywhere that they are, in fact...SINGLE.  Television commercials about rings and things. Radio commercials about love and stuff.  80s love songs.  Movie releases by Nicholas Sparks...the true romance writer of today.  Shall I go on?  I've had no less than ten happily  married people tell me that today is "just another day."  I guess at one time in my life it was just "another day" to me too.  But then...I found myself divorced a widowed girlfriend single.  And for the past three years...it hasn't been "just another day", it's been a terrible reminder of being alone. 

Last year, I got a break from the loneliness because I was dating Curt.  But...guess what?  I spent the entire day on a plane, flying from China back to the USA.  By the time I arrived in Kentucky, it was February 15th and I was exhausted.  Curt met me at the airport with a hug and a kiss and a gift certificate for a massage and acrylic nails.  First time I had gotten a Valentine's gift since BEFORE my divorce but it wasn't on the 14th!  It was nice though :-)

Driving home from work today, I was listening to K-Love...you know...positive. encouraging.  K-LOVE??  Gary Chapman, author of the Five Love Languages was the guest speaker. I recalled taking the Love Language quiz years ago and my first love language is "Positive Affirmations".  I'm not sure if my 2nd one is gifts or good deeds or one of the others but...I like gifts on Valentines Day for sure :-)  Of course there was a message from K-Love reminding the single people that even though we might not have been given a box of candy and may not have received roses, that God loves us more than anyone and His love endures forever.  I know this...I teared up a little as they said it and I thanked God for loving me and once again prayed that if he isn't going to send someone in my life to at least take my desire to have someone...OUT.  Even with the prayers...it doesn't stop the fact that I would appreciate some candy or flowers or jewelry...or even a positive affirmation :-)

I wasn't a total scrooge...I wore red today.  And I did have fun exchanging "valentines" with a few friends via text message.  My boss gave me some candy and a ring that lights up and as we put them on, she and I made our attempt to dance and sing like Beyoncé to Single Ladies...you know the one...if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it?

To all of you who are married or have a significant other in your life...or heck...even a date on Valentine's Day...be happy about that and enjoy every moment!  Maybe you didn't get the kind of candy you like.  Maybe you wish he would not have spent so much on the roses.  Maybe you waited too long for your table at the restaurant. Maybe you wanted jewelry.  Perhaps you had to cook and clean the kitchen.  Perhaps you are sick.  Perhaps he is sick.  At least he's keeping you company...and believe me...when you have that and then it's gone (because of a breakup, a divorce or death) ...it means more than you can imagine. 

Here I sit...on this Thursday evening...blogging because it's the only therapy I can afford. My kids are with their dad.  The dog is in the other room because he stinks.  I fixed myself a cold sandwich, drank a bottle of water, and ate some mint chocolate chip ice cream and just finished watching one of my favorite movies...VALENTINE'S DAY.  Where there is an adorable little boy named Edison, where Patrick Dempsey plays a cheating husband and where two of the best looking actors in Hollywood end up being gay.  Happy SAD Day to me :-)