His Name is Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid, Kid Rock!

Quick blog here.  I am so excited.  I can't believe the day is finally here that I get to see Kid Rock in concert.  I have 3rd row seats, on the upper deck, haha - but that's okay - I will be there!!!

I had to share the dream I had last night.  My BFF, Tawnya, is going with me.  Last night, in my dreams, we were at the concert, and for some strange reasons, we both had clear plastic shower caps on our head.  Evidently, that look was quite the rage, because lots of people were sporting them.  One time, I looked at Tawnya and I said, "My hair feels all crooked at the top, like my bangs aren't straight" and she said, "yep, your bangs are a little crooked, let me fix it for ya" and she adjusted the elastic band of the shower cap so that it was straight across my forehead.  Then I said, "I'm not sure if I like it above my ears or not" and she said, "I think you should wear it like mine, down over your ears."  She turned her head, and sure enough, she had the elastic band of her shower cap pulled completely down over top of her ears.  Mine of course, was tucked behind my ears.  I said, "I think I'll compromise" and adjusted mine so that the bottom of my earlobe was showing.

I have laughed about this all morning.  While I was taking Kensley to school, she heard me telling Tawnya about my dream and she was cracking up.  Before she got out of the car this morning, she said, "Mom, don't ever tell me something like that before I get out of the car again, I am going to be worried all day long that you are going to show up at the Kid Rock concert with a plastic shower cap on your head!"  Kensley was also mortified that her asst. principal posted on my Facebook page the other day that he was a little jealous that I was going to the concert.  Her words, "How mortifying that my Asst. Principal and my Mother are discussing a Kid Rock concert on Facebook where all my friends can see!"  (Teenagers!)

I'm pretty sure that the plastic shower caps represented our hair.  Tawyna and I have been discussing coloring our gray and I have been looking for hairstyles to cover the crease in my forehead.  Other than straight-across China style bangs, there just really isn't a style out there where a big portion of your forehead doesn't show.  I'm thinking Botox is my next option, but Tawyna thought I looked best with the straight across bangs - LOL!

I'm off to hop in the shower to start primping for tonight.  My facebook status states that I am as excited as a kid going to Disney World and that is the truth!  I've heard he puts on an awesome show and usually plays for about 2 hours :-)  Jamey Johnson will be there too, so that's a plus.

A big thanks to my BFF's hubby, Tyler.  When the girl I was supposed to go with had to back out, Tawnya was my obvious choice.  She likes Bob "Kid Rock" Ritchie, herself.  He informed Tawnya this morning that he thought the two of us were going through some mid-life wannabe Outlaws phase and the next thing we would be doing is buying a Harley!  Don't worry, Tyler...just sit back and enjoy the trashy side.

I'm sure there will be pictures and updates from my Facebook page tonight!!!!  Tune in :-)

Happy Anniversary To Me!!!

Today is Super Bowl Day!  I love NFL Football, I'm just not real excited about the two teams that made it to the championship game.  I'm an Indianapolis Colts fan!  You know, Peyton Manning, Joseph Addai, Jacob Tamme (who just happens to be a Kentucky boy from the county next door).  For some strange reason, the Jets were able to take down the Colts and prevented them from making the Super Bowl this year.  The Jets were also able to take out the Patriots (can you say Wes Welker and Tom Brady)?  Going into the playoffs, I wanted the Pittsburgh Steelers to take out the Jets.  The Jets had come far enough and needed to be stopped.  Now that the Steelers did their job, I am cheering for the Green Bay Packers!  No team, not even the Steelers, need to win 7 Lombardi trophies - come on!!! 

I have lots of friends who are Steelers fans but each and every time I see the Steelers logo, it takes me back to 3rd grade, and my boyfriend, Tommy Garrison.  He was the first boy to ever buy me a gift and guess what it was?  My very own box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies.  Tommy was a huge Steelers fan and wore won of those big huge puffy black jackets with the Steelers logo on the back and the bright yellow lining on the inside.  So, thanks, Steelers, for bringing back a nice memory...but, really, I hope you all travel from Texas to Pennsylvania with nothing but maybe a little bit of pride left.  Go Pack Go!!!!  I'm a Wisconsin cheese head today :-)

Not only is today the Super Bowl, it is my two year Divorce Anniversary.  It's hard to believe that everything was finalized two years ago!!! 

I could sit here and write about lots of things:

• My lost childhood dream of marrying my sweetheart and living happily ever after.  
• The lost opportunity of growing old with the father of my three children.  
• The difficulties of watching my children grow up in two different homes.
• Having to share my children each week and through the holidays.
• The stress of working out the logistics of switching our children back and forth.
• Splitting costs of medical bills and sports activities fees.
• The sadness of knowing that the "sharing" will continue with my grandchildren.
• Shall I continue??????

I will not.  I have accepted the fact that some of these things will never happen and others have become part of my new life.  In two years, I have given myself time to heal, time to allow my children to adjust and began the process of moving forward with the new me!  Not long ago, I was riding in the car with my two girls and I told them that there was one thing I learned through my divorce that I hope they learn in their early 20s - to be independent and figure out who they are on their own, not as 1/2 of a couple - that can come later! I shared with them the fact that I moved from my house with my parents, into a dorm room, and then into my first house with their Dad (after we were married of course!).  I went from having my parents pay my bills and support me to having their Dad pay my bills and support me.  I told them that I wanted them to go to college, earn a degree that they will be happy with and one that will support them, and to live on their own for awhile.  I said, "sure, you can have a boyfriend if you want one" but don't totally depend on him because he may not always be there.  I told the girls that they need to learn to stand on their own two feet, to enjoy some alone time, pay their bills, learn how to take care of their cars, deal with creditors, set and empty mouse traps, they need to know how to do EVERYTHING by themselves and then realize that a helpmate is just that, a helpmate, and they are not needed for survival. 

This may sound harsh.  I don't think it came out quite so harsh when I was talking to them.  They know that I still believe in love and happily ever afters and I want those things for them more than anything.  I also know that love can die and happily ever afters sometime take a detour.  I drove it home saying, learn who you are while you are young --- that way, you won't be scared out of your mind and ready to shut down if you find yourself single and brokenhearted at age 38!  They were listening, now if they take Mama's advice...that remains to be seen :-)

The best thing about my life at this point is that I now see great things happening in my future that I couldn't see in the past.  I'm ready for the challenge of all things new.  I'm ready for some things to get a little easier.  I'll brace myself for the surprises and disappointments, knowing that I can get through them, because I've done a pretty darn good job over the past two years!


If I wanted to spend $2.49 on a greeting card and another 44 cents on a stamp, I would like to send a greeting card that said:

Dear Wasband,

Do you know what I miss about being married to you?

And the inside of the card would be blank, meaning NOTHING :-)

I'll save my money.  A gallon of gas is worth much more to me!

The Whisper Test and Finding Homes for Children Who Are "Born Different"

In church Sunday morning, my pastor, Bro. Kaywood Morris, shared with us a story at the end of his sermon.  He quoted "The Whisper Test," which was written by Mary Ann Bird.

I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I looked to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. When schoolmates asked, "What happened to your lip?" I'd tell them I'd fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me. There was, however, a teacher in the second grade whom we all adored -- Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy -- a sparkling lady. Annually we had a hearing test. ... Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class, and finally it was my turn. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something, and we would have to repeat it back -- things like "The sky is blue" or "Do you have new shoes?" I waited there for those words that God must have put into her mouth, those seven words that changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said, in her whisper, "I wish you were my little girl."

For some reason, I started crying and had a hard time controlling the tears.  I looked over at my friend, Betsy,  and said "that made me cry..." and there was no tissue to be found.  Of course, Bro. Kaywood's point of telling this story was for listeners to realize that God sees all of us as sinners.  God can see past our sin and hopes that all of us will become a child of His - that we will all be adopted into God's kingdom --- but this passage spoke to me on so many more levels...


Most of you who know me, know that I work in the adoption field.  Specifically, I work with families who choose to adopt from China's special need program.  I have never done the math to determine how many adoptions I have been a part of in the 3.5 years I have worked with A Helping Hand Adoption Agency, but I think I may have to run a report this coming week to find out :-)

Over the past few years I have learned a lot about many different special needs.  Cleft Lip and Palate; Congenital Heart Defects (Ventricular Septal Defects, Atrial Septal Defects, Patent Ductus Arteriosis; Tetralogy of Fallot; and many others); Albinism; Hepatitis B; Anal Atresia and Imperforate Anus; Cerebral Palsy; Skin Nevus; Microtia; and numerous other medical conditions.  I have seen children on the waiting child list with conditions that we, in the United States, would not even consider a special need.

For example, my oldest daughter was born with Strabismus and esotropia caused by extreme farsightedness.  Had SHE been born in The People's Republic of China, she would have more than likely been abandoned once her eye condition was discovered and sent to an orphanage to wait for a family.  A pair of glasses has corrected both her eye alignment and vision since she was 2 years old!  Although I was upset that my daughter would have to wear corrective lenses all of her life, I never considered it a special need!  Sure, I grieved for a day or two that my daughter wasn't "perfect" but I didn't grieve for long because two weeks before my daughter was born, my cousin had also given birth to a little boy.  When he was 4 months old, they discovered that he was completely blind.  It didn't take me long to quickly realize that things can "always be worse" and I knew that God had given me what I could handle.

It is the parents who step out on faith and adopt the children who are unwanted and sometimes deemed "unadoptable" for which I have a HUGE respect.  Every parent can tell you how their child's special need has made them see life in a new way.  I have stories of families who thought they were adopting a child with special needs, only to come home, have the child evaluated by a specialist and told the child was completely healthy.  I've also known families who got to China only to find out that their child's special need was a little more than they were expecting.  I could tell many, many stories of families who have adopted a child with a special need but today, I'm going to tell you of a family whose story brings joy and at the same time, breaks my heart...

This particular family adopted a little girl with an extremely complex heart condition.  Had this precious baby girl not been adopted by a loving family and brought to the USA to immediately undergo surgery, she would most certainly have already died in China.

alone.

without a mama.

without a daddy.

without ever knowing the love of a family.

Today she is nearly 5 years old and is doing quite well, although her Mother recently confided in me that she finally got up enough nerve to ask the doctor what her daughter's life expectancy would be.  This mother was given the devastating news that her daughter would possibly not make it out of her teenage years, but could possibly live into her early 20s.  Her defective heart will not be able to sustain her body much longer than that.  This little girl's mother wrote to me in an e-mail, thanking ME for giving her the opportunity to be her mother.  Even with the devastating news that her daughter will not, barring a miracle (which we all know is possible), live a long life, she and her husband and their older daughters will make sure that this little girl knows she is loved.  Her life will be full and happy and best of all, she has her very own family!  This family knew going into the adoption that the little girl who would become their daughter had a very complex heart defect and that her life would be shortened, yet they stepped out in faith and gave her what she so desperately needed - love and a family. 

My job is very rewarding when the opportunity presents itself for me to call families with the wonderful, happy news for which they have been waiting.  There are also times when I must be a cheerleader and encourage families when they get discouraged through the long, difficult waiting process. I've been told by a few clients that I have a very calming voice and they love when I call, because it helps settle their restless souls as they wait.  I also work with families across the United States who say they love to hear my soft, southern accent.  I'm not sure if the soft southern accent helps settle their souls or if its the words I choose to cheer them on, but nevertheless, I feel both are a gift from God, and I will use them to the best of my ability.  Still, there are other times when my job is not easy or fun.  Quite frankly, sometimes it is emotionally difficult for me.   I have access to a database that contains photos and information for approximately 1500 children.  The majority of the children who remain on this list live with severe, life altering medical needs, in orphanages, half way across the world.  Many will NEVER know the love of a family.  Some of these children will be placed in a corner of a room inside an orphanage to "wait to die".  ALONE.  Is there anything more sad?  If there is, I cannot think what it would be...

It was the quote at the beginning of this post, specifically mentioning cleft lip and palate, that made me cry.  I thought of all of the babies who were born in China with cleft lip and palate who I have helped place into loving homes.  Families who saw these little girls (and sometimes boys) with a hole where their lips should be, and who were able to look past the cleft to see the child.  Families not caring that the little girl would have a misshapen lip and a crooked nose, not thinking about the major dental and orthodontic work in the future, nor were they concerned about the time consumption of speech therapy to help her learn to talk once the roof of her mouth was repaired. Those parents, through adoption, have given the same Whisper Test to those waiting children that Mrs. Leonard gave to Mary Ann Bird.  They each saw the pictures and thought, "I wish you were my little girl" and made it happen!

Every child deserves a family and I admit that I'm a little partial to finding families for the children who are "born different".  Mary Ann Bird wrote that she was convinced that no one outside her family could love her, based on the fact that she was born with her cleft lip and palate.  This is simply NOT TRUE!  Just as her teacher whispered that she wished she was her little girl, I can tell many stories of parents who have CHOSEN a child who was "born different", CHOSEN to make a child a part of their family, CHOSEN to love.  And through this choosing, I see GOD at work in people's hearts.  I also see GOD using me as a tool to help match families with children.  Words can not explain how awesome, amazing and wonderful this can be.  Some people give birth to a child with a special need and God gives those families the strength and resiliency to accept and move forward --- just another example of His incredible ability to work in our lives.  Another way God works is by giving people "The Whisper Test".  He asks parents, who are listening to Him, to step out on faith and make a choice that he hasn't forced them to face.  It is after they have heard God's whisper, that many parents talk to me...and that is when my job cycles back to the rewarding phase.

COSMOPOLITAN Magazine - My Guilty Pleasure

There is a truth I learned about one year post-divorce...I discovered that my 20 years of marriage had been thwarted by reading the wrong magazines!  I thought I was doing right being the southern girl that I am.  Religiously, while standing in line at the Wal-Mart or Kroger checkout, I would purchase Good Housekeeping and Southern Living, come home, put away my items and read them cover to cover.  I was gifted a yearly subscription of Better Homes and Gardens from my mother-in-law and read every article of that magazine as well.  As I am an avid reader, I am notorious for a stack of reading material next to my bed.  I had a notebook collection of pages torn from these magazines of house plans, color schemes and garden designs, planning for my future with my husband.  I tried the occasional new recipe and if the family enjoyed it, the page found its way into my recipe box.  I got much needed tips on organizing my clutter, spring cleaning, and tried to keep up on the latest home fashions.


Several years into our marriage, the focus of my reading changed and I began purchasing such magazines as Parents, Child, Parenting Today and when the kids got a little older, Family Fun.  These periodicals focused on my task at hand, raising healthy, happy children and having fun with them!  Eventually, as the children got older, I let the parenting magazine subscriptions expire and focused again on our home...and then I got divorced...

At that point, I no longer cared about cooking a new recipe...there was no one to try it.  I no longer cared about the latest home fashions...there was no money to buy them!  The possibility of once again owning my own home and actually having the time to decorate, garden and enjoy it seemed out of my future realm and quite frankly, overwhelming, as I struggle to manage the basics as a single, working mom of three.  I had finished reading all of the "How to Deal with Divorce" books and quickly realized that I needed a new magazine.  I checked out the stands and there were plenty to choose from but the one that caught my eye and continues to catch it each month is COSMOPOLITAN!  Cosmo has been dubbed "The Single Girl's Bible" and while I have a problem with referring to anything other than the Holy Bible as a "bible", I prefer to think of it as "The Single Girl's Handbook".  Cosmo Magazine is my guilty pleasure :-)

Unfortunately, I am not a Cosmo girl and I've come to the realization that I never will be, however, I enjoy taking a few days at the beginning of each month, to indulge myself and wonder what life would be like if I were once again, young and free, with a killer body, no commitments, and plenty of money.  The magazine is divided into 15 sections:  Cover Stories; Cosmo News; 101 Things About Men; Fun Fearless Fashion; Cosmo Look; Guy Watch; Love & Lust; You, Even Better; Health Check; Need to Know; Cosmo Confidential; Fun and Fearless; Fashion and Beauty Now; Cosmo Life and Regular Features.

The Cover Stories are always an eye catcher and usually hidden from children's eyes by a metal cover deliberately placed over the names of the cover stories as the magazine sits on the news stand.  After buying several issues and keeping the back issues on my coffee table, I quickly discovered that the word SEX is strategically placed in the upper left hand column of almost every issue.  If the word "sex" is not used, it's something very closely related...see for yourself...

Several of Dana's back issues of Cosmopolitan Magazine

It is for this reason I say I was reading the wrong magazines all these years.  Now that I read Cosmo, let's just say that I have a wealth of knowledge about what men want, need and crave and also instructions on how to keep him happy. 

All jokes aside, I truly enjoy reading Cosmo.  Even though I know this full-figured 40 year old would look ridiculous in most of the latest fashions, I like to keep up with what my teenage daughters may find appealing.  It's always important to know the latest health and diet tips and who can resist looking at the newest hairstyles and make-up tips?  The biggest thing I've learned from Cosmo is to be confident about myself.  To hold my head up and be proud of who I am.  Who knows if I'll ever meet Mr. Right?  Who knows if the man of my dreams even exists?  If he doesn't, that's okay because I don't need a man to define who I am, but if he is out there and I find him...I know lots of stuff to keep us busy...and I know that if we should marry...I will continue to indulge in my guilty pleasure and purchase Cosmopolitan Magazine each and every month (insert evil grin)!

Birthdays + Christmas = BUSY TIME OF YEAR

Turning 40 wasn't so bad...I didn't really think it would be...it just sounds so ugly!  My sister, Lea Ann and my friend, Tawnya, hosted a party in my honor to celebrate the occasion.  Several good friends and some favorite cousins came and we had an enjoyable evening of tasty food and some special Jase Juice. 

My sister always has Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian punch in her refrigerator because her son, Jase, likes it.  Her grandson, Cash, started calling it "Jase Juice" a few years ago and it caught on.  Anytime someone is having Hawaiian punch, we call it Jase Juice.  Add some pure grain alcohol to it and it becomes "special Jase Juice" :-) HAHA!  I thought my "hooch" days ended when prom and field parties ended, but evidently NOT!  Those of us who partook of the special recipe were having HOT FLASHES, whether we were 32, 62 or somewhere in between!  It was all in good fun though and everyone was responsible...

I received great gifts.  You would think I was some kind of alcoholic with the 6 bottles of wine and the special recipe my sister served - LOL - but that is far from truth.  In addition to the wine, I received an overnight bag monogrammed with my name, candles, chocolate, a cute little wine glass, lotion, a gown, a watch, gift certificates for pedicures and massages and lots of other items.  I wish I had my list in front of me and I would name everything!  I forgot how fun a birthday could be and I think I want to have one EVERY year!!!  Why do we stop having birthday parties anyway?  LOL!  I took one bottle of wine to a party the other night to share and now I'm down to 4.5 bottles (you can do the math) :-)

My oldest daughter is now driving with her permit which has added a few gray hairs to the ones I already have to hide with color.  She asks every time we walk out the door if she can drive and I have been so overwhelmed and stressed out lately, I don't feel that it is safe.  When she is driving I have to do double duty.  Not only am I scanning the highway for trouble that might happen and helping her watch all the other cars, I'm also aware of everything she does, ready to take over at any second.  I am so tense by the time we arrive at our destination that I can barely loosen up enough to open the door.  She's a good driver and when I am calm, all is well.  There has just been a lot going on in my life that is preventing me from getting any rest and if I'm not on top of my game, I feel it is unsafe for me to be the adult driver responsible.  I have promised her that when she returns tomorrow and while she is with me the remainder of this year, that she can drive EVERYWHERE we go, unless the weather is unsafe.  Ice storm????  Where are you????  Okay...I'm ready to ride shotgun and I'm gonna be singing Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" the whole time.  Just kidding...she really is a good driver and I'm very proud of her!

My middle child is now officially a TEENAGER!!!!  My old blog was entitled "One Toddler, One Teen and One In-Between".  It's definitely the old blog now.  I still have a toddler and now I have TWO TEENS!  Wow - I should definitely be 40!  Kensley's birthday is 2 days before Christmas and that is not a good time for a birthday party so we are having it on Saturday, 1/1/11.  She has invited about 30 kids (mostly 7th graders) and we are having a taco bar, cupcakes and games.  I want it to be lots of fun and I want them still talking about it when they return to school 2 days later so I've got lots of planning to do between now and then. 

Edison has not been home much since Christmas and he's ready to be back in his home.  Every night when he talks to me he tells me he wants to come back to his "Mommy's home" and I am so ready for him to be here.  He has toys and games he has not even had a chance to play with and he hasn't been feeling well either.  Tomorrow, I will feel like life is back to normal (whatever normal is).  I'm off this week and I will have all three kids under my roof and that makes life good - chaotic at times - but GOOD!

I think divorce is awful through the holidays!  Of course, my kids would probably disagree.  Emily told me that being divorced is especially cool at Christmas and Birthdays because she gets more presents.  I understand that is typical 17 year old logic - ME ME ME!  Actually, I too, was quite impressed with all they received.  Of course, I felt like they had a pauper's Christmas at my house compared to what they got everywhere else, but that is an issue I must deal with and get past.  My kids love me for me and I know that I don't have to buy their love.  The girls were so good to thank me over and over for what I did get them and I appreciated that.  I did what I could and it's all bought and paid for.  My rule of not charging anything at Christmastime has not changed.  If I can't pay cash, I don't buy it.  The best thing is that I don't have to figure out how to pay for it later and that keeps some of my stress at bay!


So...I turned 40 and the world is still revolving!  I have one child who is driving, another who has entered her teenage years.  I have a little boy who loves his Mommy.  I survived Christmas and it was much easier than last year.  The good thing is that I can now see that life gets easier.  Last year, I cried when I took my kids to meet their dad after leaving my grandmother's house on Christmas Eve and waking up alone on that first divorced Christmas morning was one of the most sad times in all my life.  This year was my year.  They stayed with me on Christmas Eve and woke up to Santa on Christmas morning.  We had a FUN day!  We opened gifts, we unpackaged the gifts (which can be quite challenging and time consuming), we watched a movie together, we ate brunch, we played Phase 10 and played with other games and toys and had a great morning!  But it was no easier when their grandparents came to pick them up to take them to their dad.  I shut the door behind them at 1:00 on Christmas afternoon, I cried and I stayed in my pajamas all day long and I slept off and on and watched the clock, waiting for the day to end...

I picked up the kids the next day to spend Christmas with my mom and dad and my family.  We pretty much had a 24 hour on - 24 hour off Christmas schedule in order to accommodate everyone's family.  I met them at the half-way point and went straight to my Mom and Dad's house for more present opening.  My daughters and my brother's daughters all ended up spending the night with Nannie and Papa and I think they had a great time together.  Since my kids' dad is an only child, they only have cousins on my side of the family so I feel it's super important that they get to know each other and have fun when they are together.  Some of my favorite memories of Christmas are those spent with my cousins on Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house.  We still all get together on Christmas Eve and it's chaotic because there are so many of us now and we all have very different personalities and different ways of doing things and different ideas about things, and there is such a large age range of people...but at the same time, I cannot imagine NOT going to my grandmother's for Christmas Eve, because it's all I've ever known.  Of course, I'm becoming a pro at CHANGE :-)

The kids have spent the past few days with their dad and I have spent the past few days catching up on some much needed REST and RELAXATION!  I laid on the couch most of yesterday watching movies.  I had not done that forever!  I started with Date Night starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey and laughed through the entire thing.  I then watched The Expendables and enjoyed seeing all the old guys from my teen days reunite (Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren) and I might add that they are all still VERY fine looking men!  I finished by watching The Back-Up Plan with Jennifer Lopez and I laughed and teared and it was a very sweet movie.  Sometime this weekend, I plan to watch John Wayne in True Grit so I can be ready to see Matt Damon on the big screen in the re-make of True Grit.  I'll let you all know how that goes.  I was way more productive today, cleaning the kitchen, changing the sheets, straightening the house, taking a shower (LOL!) just getting ready for the return of my three favorite people in the whole world! 

I don't think I will ever get used to sharing my kids.  I don't like to share my kids.  It's not natural but I do it because I have to.  The very worst part of divorce is being apart from your kids when it is not your choice to be apart from them.  Oh, yes, I need the occasional break, and I try to enjoy it most of the time, but during the holidays, it's impossible!  Sharing...I try to teach my kids to do it...it's part of how things get done around here...but in the words of my teenagers...it SUCKS but I'm dealing!  I'll look at the bright side...I am blessed that my children have a father who wants them and I'm also glad that he and I are able to work out a holiday schedule that accommodates everyone.  I think our kids are worn out but they too, survived the Holidays, and they have LOTS OF STUFF, but most of all, MEMORIES, to prove it :-)

On Turning 40...

In less than a week, I will celebrate my 40th birthday...and I have mixed feelings about the occasion...

When I turned 30, I had been married 12 years and had two children, I figured I needed to be 30.
When I turned 35, I had been married almost half my life and I figured I needed to be 35.
Between 35 and 40...my life CHANGED dramatically...

I went back to college and earned my bachelor's degree, I became the mother of a toddler and I went through a heartbreaking divorce...I think the thing that bothers me the most about turning 40 is that I'm just not where I wanted to be at this point in my life, but then, I think about that and I feel guilty because truthfully, I am not where I want to be materialistically in my life.

At age 40, I struggle to make ends meet on my single salary and child support.  After being a homeowner for 16 years, I now rent.  I was driving a bright red, loaded, new model vehicle and now drive a 12 year old mini-van that cramps my single lifestyle.

I have a WISH LIST of material items --- it includes...

• an iPhone 4 (my mom told me she would buy me one for Christmas IF I were an only child). 
• 2011 Chevrolet Camaro (color choice: arrest-me-red)
• a rockin' SYSTEM in my car (cause the Swagger Wagon has a busted speaker and a cassette player)
• a home of my own (just because I miss that)
• a new stylish wardrobe --- one that fits after my weight loss and of which my daughters approve and also cool shoes to go with it!

But then, I think, these are just THINGS, Dana!  In the grand scheme of life, what do they really mean?

• Sure, an iPhone 4 may not need to be charged as often as the iPhone I currently have (and yes, I realize I complain about money and have an iPhone, but it is truly one of the only indulgences I have for ME --- well, that and my acrylic nails - that I don't get filled-in often enough)
• I would truly look GOOD in a bright red Camaro, but what about on snow days?  How useful would a rear-wheel drive sports car be on a day like today?  And my gosh!  The insurance would be outrageous, right?  
• Oh!  And I LOVE music and I look forward to the day when I drive a car that has a better system than the Swagger Wagon.  Part of what gives my mini-van its "swagger" is the fact that the right front speaker is busted and it has an AM/FM Cassette player - NO CD PLAYER - however, I can run my iTunes through an FM Transmitter and listen to my extensive music collection through my car speakers.  I just have to adjust the speakers if I'm listening to a song with some bass, otherwise, it sounds like someone is trying to play a Kazoo.  
• A home of my own.  I have great landlords and they pretty much let me do what I want to do.  They even let my daughter paint her room PURPLE! And the best part of not owning my own home?  I didn't get the TAX BILL in the mail in October meaning I am not stressing about having to pay it by the end of the year!  
• New clothes and shoes?  I can still shop the sale racks - I always have!  And I have never been one to be crazy over name-brands, although a good pair of name-brand shoes sure feel better than generic knock-offs.  For the most part, if I find something I like, it fits and it's a good deal?  I'll buy it. 

So...aside from material items, I need to be happy with what I have.  Realizing that turning 40 is better than the alternative -- being dead!  I'm certainly not ready for that!  I'm healthy, I'm happy, I love my family and my family loves me!  I have three wonderful, beautiful children!  I have great friends and an awesome church family. I know God!  Those are the important things. 

A few months before I turned 30, Tim McGraw released a new album that had a song entitled "My Next 30 Years".  Here are the lyrics...

I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years

Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years

My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years

Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years

My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years


I LOVED that song!  I even purchased the CD and gave it to my best friend, Melissa, for her 30th birthday that year.  Y'all all know that I'm not listening to Tim McGraw much these days.  I'm a KID ROCK FANatic!  Kid Rock turns 40 in January and he just released his most mellow CD EVER!  Of course, with the release of a new CD, means a TOUR, which also means that I want to see him when he comes to LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY on February 11th!  He got me through my divorce and now he needs to get me through my 40th year!


I found a poem online about turning 40...the author is unknown, but I like her thoughts :-)


Fine Chardonnay!

It's hard to believe I'm 39.
But am I aging like fine wine?

They say 39 is the new 25
Could someone please tell my thighs.

My make-up free days are a thing of the past.
I just hope my concealer lasts.

What are these grey hairs atop my head.
Tell me Miss Clairol, should I go red?

These lines on my face are beginning to furrow
Soon they'll be deep enough for a rabbit's burrow

But joking and silliness aside
This has been a wonderful ride

So 40 I'm ready, bring what you may
I've decided, I'm a fine Chardonnay!

Temper Tantrums

I realize that many of you who follow this blog also follow me on Facebook and read about my week, but I just wanted to put my crazy life into story form...

I'll start with Tuesday...I woke up to pouring rain...it literally rained ALL DAY LONG!  And it wasn't a little drizzle, this was a hard soaking rain that by nights end was causing flooding in areas of the state.  I normally get out of the office each day at lunchtime, if not to buy lunch, at least to go shopping (well...looking...because you have to have money to shop).  I wasn't going anywhere Tuesday, except back to my warm, cozy home.  I decided to order a pizza from Papa John's and have them deliver, keeping in mind that Edison and I could eat the leftovers for dinner.

The work day finally came to an end but my time of relaxation was far from over.  The drive home, which normally takes 50-60 minutes, turned into one hour and 30 minutes.  I don't understand how drivers suddenly forget to drive when there is any kind of precipitation falling!  For several minutes I sat completely still on New Circle Road and the rest of the time, I was driving at a snail's pace.  There were no wrecks - just non-drivers!  Needless to say, I was a little stressed by the time I arrived at the baby sitter's house (20 minutes late!).

Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Edison and I walked into our home.  I was so thankful that I had purchased the pizza earlier in the day and would not have to cook dinner.  Edison was starving and I was trying to change out of my work clothes into something more comfortable and warm.  He asked if he could get a piece of pizza for himself.  Since I've been trying to teach him to be a little more independent by undressing and dressing himself, hanging up his coat and putting on his shoes, I thought that would be fine.  I was wrong!

He came into my bedroom and he was rubbing the big yellowish-green jalapeno pepper all between his hands.  He asked, "What's this?"  I said, "Edison!  That is a hot pepper!  You need to go throw it away, wash your hands and DO NOT rub your eyes."  A few minutes later I hear the water running and some whining.  I walk into the bathroom, see Edison standing at the sink with water on his hands RUBBING his eyes!  The jalapeno pepper was floating in the toilet!  I washed his hands with soap, cleaned out his eyes, flushed the toilet and told him to go get a piece of pizza while I finished changing my clothes.  I met him as he was walking out of the kitchen, pizza in one hand and an open container of garlic butter dripping all down his pants and onto the kitchen floor!!  So, once again, I had another mess to clean up.  At some point that evening, I finally got to enjoy my own slice of pizza.  It's funny how you think you can have everything planned for a simple evening and how difficult that one evening can become when a 3 year old is involved.

FAST FORWARD to Wednesday night.  I picked Edison up from the sitter and he was very tired.  I desperately needed groceries and decided to head to Wal-Mart.  Now, Wal-Mart is an overwhelming place for Edison.  It always has been from the time he joined us at age 17 months.  I guess it's because he never experienced anything like it in his first few developmental months.  I think he gets overstimulated in Wal-Mart with the colors, sights, sounds, tall ceilings, items stacked so high, etc. Come to think of it, I get overwhelmed in Wal-Mart :-)   I knew Edison was tired so I opted for Stanford's Wal-Mart which is much smaller.  He fell asleep on the way there and I laid him in the buggy.  He slept almost the entire time which allowed me to peacefully shop for the items on my list --- until he woke up.  He woke up in a daze and then he wanted to see the toys...

We usually always go through the toys but my children have always known that going through the toys doesn't necessarily mean you will get to bring a toy home.  Most of the time we don't bring toys home, but occasionally, I like to surprise them and say "Sure, you can have that!"  It's Christmastime and I've been wanting to spend some time with Edison in the toy department to see what catches his eye.  Being Christmastime also means we have all been asking him, "What do you want for Christmas?"  I think this confused him.  We were going to the toys, I kept asking him what he wanted for Christmas and he couldn't grasp that Christmas wasn't Wednesday night!!!  When we left the toy department, he was crying "I want a toy!" and by the time we got to the front of the store, he was screaming "I WANT A TOY!"  As usual, there were 2 checkout lanes opened so I stood in line for about 15 minutes with a child who was red-faced, screaming and crying "I WANT A TOY!"  I had other parents trying to talk to him, Wal-Mart employee's showing him holographic gift cards, and then there was me saying "You are not getting a toy, Edison, and if you continue to scream like this, I'm not sure Santa will bring any either!" 


We finally got to the van.  By this time, Edison was out of control, screaming, crying, kicking his feet, arching his back, throwing his head around - a FULL-BLOWN TEMPER TANTRUM.  I remained calm, speaking softly, trying not to escalate the tantrum, however, I'm not sure it could have been escalated at that point.  I wrangled him into his car seat, which was not easy, and I still have a bruise on my forearm from a child's Nike Shox, size 10.  He continued to scream while I stood in the biting cold consolidating the many Wal-Mart bags which contained one item each - grrrrrrrr!

While putting bag after bag inside one another (there were probably close to 25 and I only purchased 35 items), a car alarm went off.  I'm stressed!  My child is screaming, my hands are freezing, I'm trying to get the bags into my van and the car facing me is flashing its lights and blowing the horn, very LOUDLY!  I am now suffering from sensory overload and I stopped, looked up at the sky and said "God!  Please Help Me!"  I know the Salvation Army bell ringer thought I had lost my mind, especially when I, myself, discovered that the alarm going off was MINE!  I had hit the PANIC button....  I thought it was the car in front of me because (1) my headlights were reflecting off their headlights so I thought that car was making the noise, and (2) my van is so old, I didn't realize it had a panic button!  I get the alarm disengaged and I sit down.  That is when Edison began kicking the back of my seat!


At this point, I knew better than to open my mouth to say anything because I would have yelled at him and I knew I had to keep driving, because if I pulled over, I would have spanked him, harder than necessary.  Instead, I called my friend, Tawnya.  I apologized to her that she would have to listen to him but that it was necessary to keep me from losing my mind!  Tawnya has three children, including one set of twin boys.  She told me she had never had a child act like that and had NEVER heard a child sound like him.  She told me he sounded possessed - which I totally agreed.  He was in another realm - completely out of control!  While I was talking to Tawnya, my daughter Emily buzzed in.  She needed help with her homework - HAHAHA!  She tried to explain to me what she needed and I finally said, "Emily, I can't hear you.  You are cutting out and even if we had a good connection, I'm not sure I could hear you from all the screaming, so I will call you back when I get home, goodbye." (CLICK).  I get a text message from her a minute later that says "Daddy is helping me.  Also, the grinch is on 180.  I thought eddy would like to watch it.  Love you! And, be patient :)"  I LOVE that girl and I will come back to her in a minute...for now, I'm still in the middle of this screaming so loud it's hurting my ears, kicking the back of my seat so hard he kicked his shoe off FIT!

I had been in the car with him for about 12 minutes and he had started the fit about 15 minutes before we exited Wal-Mart so this has continued for approximately 1/2 hour.  I'm driving by Forks of Dix River Baptist Church. It's 8:10 - people are leaving.  I have lots of friends there.  I pull in to the Family Life Center where some kids are standing and I ask them to please go inside and get Jeff or Bridget Moss.  Edison LOVES both of them.  Pulling into the church has gotten Edison's attention.  My sister said he probably realized he was getting ready for a "Come To Jesus Meeting with his Mama" - haha!  The kids came back out and said "Jeff will be out in a minute".  By the time Jeff came out, Edison had pretty much quit screaming, he wasn't even really crying, he was snubbing and he looked EXHAUSTED!  I was in tears and it was wonderful to me that Jeff was talking to him and that he wasn't screaming and I was so thankful that I had not lost my temper.  Jeff told his wife later that night he didn't really feel like he had done anything; but, he did! 

I asked God for help when I was standing in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. I think he was the one who encouraged me not to interact with Edison because I'm normally a reactor and things would have only escalated.  He told me to keep driving and not pull over.  He gave me patience, although they were wearing thin.  Tawnya doesn't always answer her phone when I call at night because she's busy with dinner, homework, family time and getting her kids ready for bed - so that was helpful.  I happened to drive by my "old" church just as they were dismissing Wednesday night service and I knew Jeff & Bridget would be there and could help with Edison.  It was a God thing!

Now, back to Emily...I have 17 years of experience with temper tantrums.  Miss Emily has thrown some of the biggest red-headed fits you could ever imagine over the years.  Looking back, I think a lot of hers were due to over-stimulation and hypersensitivity to things going on around her (although they were never in public, only at home and at large family events).  When I told my sister, Lea Ann, that Tawnya had said she had never heard a child act like him, my sister said, "Well, she never heard Emily did she?"  I learned long ago that when something set Emily off and I reacted, she over-reacted and it became a snowball effect of too much reaction!!!  I'm not even going into what kind of tantrums she threw.  They were horrible and they started when she was about 6 weeks old up and lasted 16 years!  Many family members and some of my friends have experienced them and know exactly what I'm talking about.  Others who never saw her in action do not believe me when I tell them she can behave in this way.  It was endearing to me when she sent the grown-up text telling me to "be patient" with Eddy because now, that she is maturing, she realizes that I did have a lot of patience.  My mom and I have said many times that Emily was blessed to have Paul and I as her parents because many mothers and fathers would have abused her.  I didn't always have enough patience when she threw her "fits" but I never hurt her.  Luckily, we had a strong support system of family and friends to help us. And, now, with Edison, even though his Dad isn't around to help, I still have a strong support system of family and friends and for that I am TRULY BLESSED!

Maybe it says something about my parenting style that I would have one biological child and one adopted child who can throw the Temper Tantrum of all Temper Tantrums...but I don't think so, because where does that put "Laid Back Kensley?"  I'm hoping that this Mother of all Temper Tantrums was a once in his lifetime thing, but, if not, I've had experience with them before and I can get through them...praying for patience the entire time!