On days like this...I have to write...I woke up crying...I've literally cried all morning. Edison woke up in a foul mood and it went downhill from there. He threw the third biggest temper tantrum that I have ever witnessed from him. I would think that maybe my mood set his, but my plan this morning was to allow him to stay in bed and sleep a little later and Emily was going to take him to daycare. She asked me to turn his cartoons on before I left, and when I did, he popped up...ready to go! I told him that I had planned to let him sleep in but since he was awake I was going to go ahead and take him to Lil' Rascals. He threw a tantrum. Screaming, yelling, banging his head...he was off the hook. When I dropped him off at Lil' Rascals, he was still crying and snubbing. I cried all the way to work. When I got to Nicholasville Rd and Man-O-War, I decided to open my sunroof thinking a little sunshine in my life would help. Simultaneously, the song "Over You" by Miranda Lambert came on. I karaoked in the car with tears streaming down my face...music loud...sunroof open...singing to whoever could hear me...sometimes I feel so pathetic!
I love the song "Over You". It describes my feelings so well. I feel blessed that a new song like this would be released about the same time I'm going through this. This song will forever by OUR song. The Saturday before Curt died, Gabby had just left to go meet her Meme to see a movie and Curt had the remote flipping through like he always did and stopped when he saw the video to "Over You." He said "Miranda Lambert is HOTT with two T's" and we watched the video. I said "that horse is beautiful and this song is sad" and Curt said "it don't matter cause I'm watching Miranda" and I said "Fine! As long as I get to watch Blake later" and we had some silly conversation about Blake Shelton obviously getting a stylist after he met Miranda because all of the sudden he went from ordinary looking to hott. Now, when I see the video, the white horse reminds me of Curt's horse, Silver, and when Miranda finally walks up to the grave and sings, "It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone"...I take a big deep breath.
There is so much about that song that reminds me about my life...at the very beginning, one of the lyrics says, "Weatherman says, it's gonna snow, right now I should be, used to the cold." Yep...I should be used to my reality of loneliness right now. It was nice to experience 6 months of something different...but here I go again on my own...going down the only road I've ever known...(woops! I got off on a different song there).
And then it says, "It was only December...and I still remember, the presents, the tree, you and me." and that takes me to a memory of Curt. Every other year, I wake up on Christmas morning...alone. This past year, Curt was going to do the same thing and he didn't like it any more than I did. That was the first night he spent the night with me...because he didn't want either of us to wake up alone on Christmas morning. I have a big L-shaped couch and he slept on one side and I slept on the other, with our heads next to each other. On Christmas Eve, we kept the lights on the tree lit, we wrapped Gabby's presents and my kids' presents, and he helped me clean my house so it would be ready when the kids came the next afternoon. He was soaking a country ham in my kitchen sink. On Christmas morning, he came in the living room and said, "I've got to go out to my truck for a minute, will you fix me a glass of water?" I said, "Why don't you just grab a bottle of water from the fridge?" and he said, "I just want a drink. I don't need ice or anything, just some water in a cup." I said "okay" and I went into the kitchen, grabbed a cup, turned the water on and he had TAPED the sprayer and it was aimed right toward me and soaked me! I was so surprised I couldn't even turn it off and I turned around and there he was laughing so hard and I was yelling "Curt Davis!!!" and he was yelling, "Turn the water off!" as it continued to spray all over the kitchen! I was screaming, "You get over here and turn it off!" I'm pretty sure it was all a ploy to have a wet t-shirt contest on Christmas morning. We both ended up drenched! And he ended up mopping my kitchen floor :-)
That was the first time I asked him, "Are you 33 or are you 13?" and then a few weeks later, he had a birthday and I can't tell you how many things he had done that I turned around and asked, "Are you 34 or are you 14?" He was like a big kid...and made a point to do something fun and to find something to laugh about every single day of his life --- even if it meant he was laughing at someone else!
In an attempt to take away the sadness, I love to think of things that Curt did that made me laugh or smile, and of course, that doesn't always help, but laughter through tears is a wonderful emotion. If you've never experienced it, then you have never watched the movie, Steel Magnolias.
The boy loved WWE Wrestling. I used to watch it years ago and had stopped. That's not really a program that a single girl sets her DVR to record. I had recently started watching it again and was surprised to see that some of the wrestlers are the same and learning who the new ones were. Edison had become a big fan as well. I am partial to Randy Orton. That man has a body that doesn't stop. Anytime that Edison would watch wrestling and see Randy Orton, he would say, "There's Curt!" Curt laughed his big ol' laugh and said, "There's your fantasy and here stands your reality." Fantasy worlds are nice, but I loved my reality. When the divas would come out to the ring, Curt would drool like all men do and I threw his words back at him, "There is your fantasy and here sits your reality." He told me he liked his reality and I'm pretty sure he did.
Having something tangible - something you can touch, smell, feel, hear - is so much better than the alternative. Like I said, I was enjoying my reality. I didn't care about fantasy. Death made him intangible...and it seems so unfair!!
Last night and this morning, I was remembering all the crazy shows he forced me to watch. He had both of his tvs set to record some show 24 hours a day. Monday night RAW and Friday night Smackdown were on the list as well as any other wrestling shows. In the six months we were together, I watched two WWE Pay-Per-View events with him. He talked all the time about having ring side seats the last time Smackdown was at Rupp Arena. He had taken Gabby with him and had tons of stories from that night. New Circle Road was backed up on Newtown Pike one day last week and I went home via downtown. As I drove past Rupp Arena, scrolling across their marquee was "WWE Monday Night Raw coming July 28. Tickets on Sale May 19". He had already told me that when wrestling came back to Rupp, we were there, but said if he was buying three or four tickets this time, he wouldn't be buying ringside. In addition to wrestling, we watched Storage Wars, Call of the Wild, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Operation Repo, Gold Rush, Gold Rush Alaska, Bering Sea Gold, American Digger, PawnStars, Swamp People, Ax Men, shall I keep going???? Some of them I liked, others I didn't, but when I flip through my tv now, I tend to stop if any of these are on, always hoping I can recall a memory from watching a past episode with Curt.
I recently found three videos on my phone where I can hear Curt laughing in the background. I like to listen to those from time to time. I'll share them with you all when I'm ready. I was also glad to find a text message sent to me by Gabby with a voice message attached where she had recorded Curt saying "Dana...Dana Renee'" and then Gabby asks..."Dana Renee/???" Of course, these are all precious. It makes me want to go out and make recordings of everyone that I love so I can have them to keep...just in case...
Okay...so the panic seems to have gone away for now...I don't want to forget anything and already, some of it is slipping away. I have to remind myself what he sounded like and how it felt when he hugged me and with every day that goes by, those things get further away and yes, I know the words..."they say I'll be okay." I have some days that have been easier...where I know that I will be okay, but right now, I don't want to forget anything and so I hold on to what I can.
While there is nothing good about the fact that Curt is now gone, I have some peace knowing that he didn't make the choice to leave me and he didn't leave me or anyone else that he loved because he wanted to. Curt Davis left this world feeling loved and he was happy with his life. The most peaceful thing for me is knowing he left this world loving me!
"They say I'll be okay...but I'm not going to...ever get...OVER YOU." --- That is the reality.
To see the video..."Over You" by Miranda Lambert...our song
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Curtis Wayne Davis 1978 - 2012
I don't even know how to start this post or how to introduce what follows...this is Curt's eulogy that I gave at his funeral. I think this is absolutely the most mentally challenging piece I have ever written and the most heartbreaking was to read it aloud. The number of people who came to Curt's visitation was astonishing...he would have loved it and would have been bragging for sure! So many of you could not attend his funeral and you, like me, continue to grieve, so for those of you who couldn't be there and who wanted to hear what was said...here it is. (sorry it's lengthy...but
Curtis…I’m mad that I even have to stand here to do this but at the same time, I’m blessed to be given the opportunity. That’s not Curt laying there…Curt was too full of life! That’s not the Curt I want to remember and that’s why I’m standing here.
I listened to a song this morning by Jamey Johnson called “Lead Me Home” and this verse caught my attention… All my burdens, are behind me, I have prayed, my final pray, Don't you cry, over my body, Cause that ain't me, lying there.
I have so many stories from the short time I knew him, and those of you who knew him best know that the majority of them cannot be told in front of a preacher or his mother!
Terri – I know I’m a stranger to you and it makes me angry that we never got a chance to be introduced by Curt. I don’t know if you remember it, but we were supposed to meet on Saturday at Gabby’s softball game. Unfortunately we had to meet out at Burger House on Wednesday. The last time I actually saw Curt was Monday night. He asked me to come down for a little while to see him and Gabby. While I was there, he had Gab call you to sing Happy Birthday and then he got on the phone. He wished you a Happy Birthday and he told you about Gab’s first softball game and he asked, “How old are you Mom – 56? You were just 15 years old when Dana was born.” and then he laughed that big ol’ laugh like he always did. He loved teasing me about being 7 years older than him. I heard him tell you that you would get to meet me and you had told him that you had seen pictures and I was a pretty girl. He said “yes, she is pretty, yes, she does have beautiful hair and very pretty teeth” I’ve read before that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he talks to his mother when he thinks no one is listening. I’ve overheard several conversations between you and him and he was always so sweet. He ended every single phone call with “Okay, I love ya Mom! Bye-bye.” I mentioned to my own mother how sweet he always was when he talked to you and told her that was one of the things that made me realize that I was falling for him. I told him one day that I liked to hear him talk to you and he said “My mom worked her ass off to make sure we had a nice home and that I had everything I needed growing up. And I put her through hell in my early 20s and I plan to do all I can to make up for that.” He was so proud of you and bragged about your hard work ethic and the fact that you had owned your own home and he realized that everything you sacrificed and all the hard years you put in was all for him. You obviously did a fine job raising him into the man that he became. Curtis Wayne Davis loved you – that was obvious. Thank you for letting me do this today because I wanted to let you know and all his friends and family know what Curt meant to me and what he had shared about each of you. He loved you.
Jerry and Wayne - Curt told most people he had two dad’s. He acknowledged Wayne as his biological father and he called Jerry, “Dad”. I remember asking him one time if you all were related? And he said “Nope…two different sets of Davises” and I said “that’s weird” and being funny Curt, he said “Yep…I guess my mom had a thing for Davises!”
Wayne…Curt told me that you were his biological father the first time we talked about our families with one another. He told me you all had had your differences…but he acknowledged you. When I saw you I realized he was built just like you and I’ve had people who knew the both of you tell me you were a lot alike --- a little bull-headed and very strong-willed. I know that you are hurting and you are feeling the regrets and I’m sorry that things were left unsaid between the two of you. Someone asked me once if Curt had told me he had two dads and I said yes and he said “well…I know both of ‘em and Curt’s got enough of Wayne in him to make him dangerous and enough of Jerry in him to keep him calm.” When I told you this the other day, you laughed and said it was the truth so I hope you don’t mind that I shared that. Curt had told me that you had rodeod some, that you were a truck driver, that you liked to ride horses and that you had wrestled a bear in Brodhead one time and as far as I know, Curt did everything you did except wrestle a bear!
Jerry – I have not met one person who didn’t have anything but nice things to say about you. Curt absolutely adored you and you spoiled him rotten until the day he died. Jerry cleaned Curt’s house…he did his laundry…he cooked his dinner…he washed his dishes…he helped take care of Gabby. I told Curt on more than one occasion that I needed a Jerry Davis!!! Curt respected you and he appreciated every single thing you did for him. Although you lived next door and I had spent lots of time at Curt’s house we never really met other than in passing. I so appreciated you taking me into the building the other day to show me Curt’s rodeo stuff and I’m hoping you’ll let me come back down sometime so we can look in that bag to see if his rodeo clown outfit is in there and I would love to see the video you have of his first rodeo. I love hearing stories about Curt Davis and you have more than anybody. Curt knew that you helped shape the man he became, he respected you and he loved you.
Lora – Curt and I sat in my backyard a month ago and we talked about our previous marriages and what went wrong. He said, “when I asked Lora to marry me…I loved her more than anything in this world.” He said you all were young…you had to grow up, get real jobs and with him working 1st shift, you working 2nd and you all tag teaming taking care of Gabby that you just grew apart. He said “we split up time and time again but we kept getting back together because that’s what we both wanted for Gabby but we brought out the worst in each other when we were married and neither one of us were happy.” The way you all came together after your divorce and put your personal feelings aside to parent Gabby was nothing short of amazing, something I desperately wished I had with the father of my children. I know it’s scary to think that it all falls on you now and I can’t imagine how that feels but you have a big support system, including me, to help with her. I have a little bit of experience as the mom of my two girls and they are 18 and 14 – so I’ve been there and done that --- twice. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of this, for letting me see Gabby and I consider you my friend.
Ina – Curt and I had been talking since the beginning of October and on Thanksgiving Day, I sent him a text inviting him to eat with my family. I never got a response. He called me later that afternoon to tell me that he had eaten Thanksgiving dinner at your house. He told me on more than one occasion that you had told him that he would always be your son-in-law and he liked that. He thought the world of you.
Bill Davis!!! Gabrielle William Renee’ Davis. I love you sweet girl. How many times have I heard your daddy say “Bill Davis? Do you know how much I love you?” and what would you say? Oh my gosh…he loved you to infinity 1 million times and he was so so so proud of you!! I got on him sometimes because I thought he was a little hard on you and he would say “she’s just like me and I’ve got to stay on her, Dana, to make sure she doesn’t turn out like me” and recently, almost everyday, he would say “I’m afraid Gab is gonna grow up hating me because I am so hard on her and because I’m not always around because I work too hard” I told him that little girls don’t hate their daddy’s for making them mind, that makes them love them even more. I thought your Dad was the greatest. Your dad will want you to make good grades, he will want you to pick up after yourself and keep your room clean, throw away your Dr. Pepper cans when you get finished with them, he will want you to always do your homework and study those spelling words. He wants you to learn right from wrong. I’m pretty sure that since you and I met that we have watched the movie “Pure Country 2” at least three times with your Dad. That was your alls movie and I know you can recite the rules from the movie: (1) Never Lie (2) Always Be Fair and (3) Never Break a Promise. If you can live by those rules, you will make Curt Davis proud!! You are always welcome in my home Bill Davis. I want to be a part of your life as long as you will let me be. I love you baby girl.
I have to mention Curt’s dogs. He had 5 but three of them were special. Ol’ Blue is a blue heeler that’s 15 years old and showing his age. The two he was crazy about lived in the house. Sarah is a little black dog…I can’t remember her breed…but everytime Curt would get home he would see Sarah and start saying “Sarah!!! Your so little little little little little little…and then Sarah would start howling until he would finally say, “Oh Sarah, I’m just playing…your big, your big!!” and that was the only way she would stop howling. The first time I took my three kids to Curt’s house, Curt was outside and Sarah was tied up. My daughter Emily said, “you mean to tell me that a guy that big with a truck that big has a little bitty dog like that?” He loved Sarah and I didn’t and it caused some tension sometimes. But then along came sweet Mason. Mason was Curt’s Australian shepherd that he got back in the winter. Mason went everywhere with Curt. Sometimes he called him Masonary, Masonite, most of the time Mason Headley. Mason is with me now and I call him Mason Curtis. Curt worked with Mason all the time to teach him tricks. Mason can sit, he will go all the way down, he knows how to take food gently from your hand as long as you remind him and Curt was teaching him “leave it”. Curt had already taught him to leave his lunch alone until he told him he could have it. He told me that he would always give Mason the last of his lunch and had been laying it on the console and had trained Mason not to take it until he told him he could have it. I want you all to know that Mason was in the truck with Curt the day he died. He had ordered a double cheeseburger, two orders of fries and a Diet Cherry Pepsi. Curt had only eaten half of his hamburger when he died and Mason sat in that truck with him for almost three hours and never bothered that sandwich or the fries. Poor Mason has grieved and he has been the biggest comforter to me… and Jerry, I appreciate you asking me if I wanted him because I needed him and I wouldn’t want him anywhere else.
Curt and I would laugh when we were at his house with my three kids, Emily Kensley and Edison and his three kids, Gabby, Mason and Sarah. When things got crazy with all 8 of us in his little house I would say “Oh my gosh Curt, we are like the Brady Bunch! We need an Alice!” or maybe we needed a Jerry – I don’t know.
Curt loved my kids and my kids adored him. He was always giving my 18 year old daughter, Emily, plenty of advice and we will definitely miss the free mechanic work on her car. Emily, he was worried that you were going to make bad choices in life and he intended to make sure you didn’t. He also was hoping you would aspire to be more in life than a housewife! Kensley, the day you climbed up on his horse, Silver, and he saw your smile, made him so happy. When you rode off on the trail he turned and looked at me and said “I have never seen her smile so big…she is a beautiful girl!” and that’s when he decided that if a horse made you that happy that he wanted you to bring As-U-May to his farm so you could ride her anytime you wanted. I’m sorry that’s not gonna happen. And you all, Curt Davis adored my little boy Edison. He lectured me all the time about how if I didn’t stop coddling him and babying him all the time he was gonna grow up to be a sissy boy. Curt made me realize that I do need to parent Edison a little bit differently…that I have to be both the mom and the dad for him. Curt…you promised me Sunday night…that you were gonna help me with him and that even if we didn’t work out…that you loved Edison and would be a part of his life as long as I would let you. You wanted to be his Jerry Davis! I’m gonna do my best to make sure he’s not a “sissy boy!”
We had a lot of fun when we were all together. We went to the Louisville zoo over spring break and the line to pay to get in was crazy long. Curt, being the impatient man he is, got out of line and went to the membership desk. A few minutes later my phone rang and he said, “bring the kids over here. The zoo thinks we’re engaged and we can get in on a family membership.” We got our cards in the mail the other day and I have mine in my purse. It says “Curt Davis and Dana Wood + four kids”. I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend all the time you wanted in the gorilla house…I’m not really sure I want to go back without you…
Since Curt died, I have tried to remember every single conversation that we had and when I think of some of them, I think he knew he wasn’t going to be around much longer.
As funny and crazy as he was and how he always seemed to be joking and I’m going to share some of those stories in a minute, Curt had a serious side too. He was sensible and he was so smart. He told me once that he graduated from Garrard County High School with a 3.75 GPA – who would have thought that? If Curt was working on a piece of equipment that he couldn’t figure out he would work it over and over in his head…even at night…til he knew what he needed to do to fix it. He was a hard worker – he worked too hard and he was a saver. Just last week he finally broke down and spent some of that money of his and bought a brand new pair of boots. He had picked them up on Monday from Town and Country and he was so proud of his brand new iPhone 4gS. I wanted to share with you all a few conversations we recently had that were serious that looking back now, I think were meant for me to share with you all.
He told me and I’ve talked to other people who have said he said the same to them that he knew he wasn’t going to live to be an old man. He told us he never thought he would live to see 28 and he did and then thought he would never make it to 30 and he did. I would tease him and say I was never making any commitment to a man under 40 because men lose their minds when they turn 40. He said “Dana, I’ll never make it to 40.” Every time he would say it, I would tell him to hush because I didn’t want to hear it. Now…I think he knew he wasn’t well and was trying to prepare me. He would always say, “you can’t be as hard on a body as I’ve been on this one and expect it to last forever”.
Curt also recently told me that he had done everything that he had set out to do and couldn’t think of anything else he wanted to do in his life. I asked “like what?” and he said, “I wanted to ride horses out west and I went to Wyoming two years in a row and did that, I wanted to be a bull rider and I did that, I wanted to be a truck driver, did that and I wanted to be a disesel mechanic and that’s what I’m doing now. He was proud of his accomplishments. I remember at the time thinking that conversation was a little weird but now I know it had a purpose!
Just one more time, I would like to hear Curt Davis say “I HEARD THAT!” “really?” Niiiiiiiiiiiice!”. I’d like to call him and hear him answer the phone and say “What choo doin? Especially, I’d like to hear him say “Goodnight Miss Dana” and I want one more hug with those huge biceps wrapped around me and I want to look into those beautiful blue eyes and let him know how much that I loved him.
I met Curt a year ago on May 3rd and we talked but I told him I wasn’t comfortable seeing him until his divorce was final. We talked, texted and commented on each other’s facebook from time to time but didn’t start dating until October. We shared my 41st birthday together and he absolutely loved the fact that I was 8 years older than him for about a month. He called me his “cougar”. I went to China in February with my job and got so sick. He was so worried about me. We Skyped while I was over there and he was ready to get on a plane to come and get me – he said he didn’t need a passport. I think it was then that I truly realized that Curt Davis was crazy about me and I was falling in love with him. He was so sick one weekend with a stomach virus and I took care of him at my house. He was the best patient and I found out later that he bragged to others about what good care I had taken of him. We had plans to go to the beach this summer and he knew I couldn’t afford to go without his help. Every week he would say “how much did you save out of this check for vacation?” but I found out he had told a friend “I’m making Dana sweat over saving money for vacation but I’ve got it covered – she’s not gonna have to worry about a thing.” We had so many plans…birthdays to celebrate, weddings to attend, graduations coming up and we had talked about all of them. It’s gonna be hard to do everything without him.
I’m gonna tell two more stories on Curt. I have so many and I know all of you do too. I called him every day at lunch. As a matter of fact I talked to him from 12:30 to 12:34 on Wednesday. He said “I’m pulling up here at Burger House…I’ll talk to ya later” and he paid for his food at 12:38. That was the last time I talked to him. I called him at lunchtime one day in April and he answered the phone and said “What choo doing?” and I said “Nothing…what choo doing?” and he said “sitting here talking to John Michael Montgomery…here you want to talk to him?” The next thing I knew I was having a conversation with John Michael. John Michael and I hung up and I didn’t get to talk to Curt so I sent a message back that said “It was nice talking to country music legend JMM, but I called to talk to you Babe”. He called me right back. He has bragged to everyone that he got to work on John Michael’s bull dozer and excavator. I never knew what I would read or see when I got a text message from Curt but one day, I spit my drink out when I opened it and read “I’m taking a shit on John Michael Montgomery’s toilet”. Typical Curt…always giving too much information!!!
I’m going to read a letter that my Mom wrote to Curt to give you all an idea of how others saw what he did for me in my life.
Dear Curt Davis, I did not know you that well - only being in your presence four or five times, but it was enough for me to see how you looked at her and to see you were falling in love with my daughter. You brought a ray of sunshine where there had been storm clouds, for much too long. I saw laughter again where there had been rain. The sparkle was back in her big brown eyes that had disappeared and her beautiful smile was back. You brought our Dana’s sweet spirit back to life. Your happiness together was much too short but it came at just the right time. It truly was a gift from God through you. You will remain forever in my heart because of how wonderful you were to Dana. Thank you for that. Rest in peace. Love, Shirley
And finally, I leave you with this… one of my best friends who lost her husband several years ago said this was shared with her and it helped her get through some rough days.
The day after I buried my loved one I understood for the first time why so many people choose to medicate their pain in so many harmful ways. That day I tried to sleep it away. And in the days that followed, I discovered that I could not eat it away, drink it away, or travel it away." "I just had to feel it. And it hurt. Physically." "I realized I had a choice-I could try to stuff the hurt away in a closet, pretend it wasn't there, and wish it would disappear, or I could bring it out into the open, expose it to the Light, prove it, accept it, and allow it to heal. I chose to face it head-on, trudge throught it, feel its full weight, and do my best to confront my feelings of loss and hopelessness with the truth of God's Word at every turn...That's what Job did." "The world tells us to run from suffering, to avoid it at all costs, to cry out to heaven to take it away. Few of us would choose to suffer, yet when we know that God has allowed suffering into our lives for a purpose, we can embrace it instead of running from it, and we can seek God in the midst of suffering."
Rest in peace, Curtis…I miss you. They say I’ll be okay, but I’m not going to ever get over you.
Curtis…I’m mad that I even have to stand here to do this but at the same time, I’m blessed to be given the opportunity. That’s not Curt laying there…Curt was too full of life! That’s not the Curt I want to remember and that’s why I’m standing here.
I listened to a song this morning by Jamey Johnson called “Lead Me Home” and this verse caught my attention… All my burdens, are behind me, I have prayed, my final pray, Don't you cry, over my body, Cause that ain't me, lying there.
I have so many stories from the short time I knew him, and those of you who knew him best know that the majority of them cannot be told in front of a preacher or his mother!
Terri – I know I’m a stranger to you and it makes me angry that we never got a chance to be introduced by Curt. I don’t know if you remember it, but we were supposed to meet on Saturday at Gabby’s softball game. Unfortunately we had to meet out at Burger House on Wednesday. The last time I actually saw Curt was Monday night. He asked me to come down for a little while to see him and Gabby. While I was there, he had Gab call you to sing Happy Birthday and then he got on the phone. He wished you a Happy Birthday and he told you about Gab’s first softball game and he asked, “How old are you Mom – 56? You were just 15 years old when Dana was born.” and then he laughed that big ol’ laugh like he always did. He loved teasing me about being 7 years older than him. I heard him tell you that you would get to meet me and you had told him that you had seen pictures and I was a pretty girl. He said “yes, she is pretty, yes, she does have beautiful hair and very pretty teeth” I’ve read before that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he talks to his mother when he thinks no one is listening. I’ve overheard several conversations between you and him and he was always so sweet. He ended every single phone call with “Okay, I love ya Mom! Bye-bye.” I mentioned to my own mother how sweet he always was when he talked to you and told her that was one of the things that made me realize that I was falling for him. I told him one day that I liked to hear him talk to you and he said “My mom worked her ass off to make sure we had a nice home and that I had everything I needed growing up. And I put her through hell in my early 20s and I plan to do all I can to make up for that.” He was so proud of you and bragged about your hard work ethic and the fact that you had owned your own home and he realized that everything you sacrificed and all the hard years you put in was all for him. You obviously did a fine job raising him into the man that he became. Curtis Wayne Davis loved you – that was obvious. Thank you for letting me do this today because I wanted to let you know and all his friends and family know what Curt meant to me and what he had shared about each of you. He loved you.
Jerry and Wayne - Curt told most people he had two dad’s. He acknowledged Wayne as his biological father and he called Jerry, “Dad”. I remember asking him one time if you all were related? And he said “Nope…two different sets of Davises” and I said “that’s weird” and being funny Curt, he said “Yep…I guess my mom had a thing for Davises!”
Wayne…Curt told me that you were his biological father the first time we talked about our families with one another. He told me you all had had your differences…but he acknowledged you. When I saw you I realized he was built just like you and I’ve had people who knew the both of you tell me you were a lot alike --- a little bull-headed and very strong-willed. I know that you are hurting and you are feeling the regrets and I’m sorry that things were left unsaid between the two of you. Someone asked me once if Curt had told me he had two dads and I said yes and he said “well…I know both of ‘em and Curt’s got enough of Wayne in him to make him dangerous and enough of Jerry in him to keep him calm.” When I told you this the other day, you laughed and said it was the truth so I hope you don’t mind that I shared that. Curt had told me that you had rodeod some, that you were a truck driver, that you liked to ride horses and that you had wrestled a bear in Brodhead one time and as far as I know, Curt did everything you did except wrestle a bear!
Jerry – I have not met one person who didn’t have anything but nice things to say about you. Curt absolutely adored you and you spoiled him rotten until the day he died. Jerry cleaned Curt’s house…he did his laundry…he cooked his dinner…he washed his dishes…he helped take care of Gabby. I told Curt on more than one occasion that I needed a Jerry Davis!!! Curt respected you and he appreciated every single thing you did for him. Although you lived next door and I had spent lots of time at Curt’s house we never really met other than in passing. I so appreciated you taking me into the building the other day to show me Curt’s rodeo stuff and I’m hoping you’ll let me come back down sometime so we can look in that bag to see if his rodeo clown outfit is in there and I would love to see the video you have of his first rodeo. I love hearing stories about Curt Davis and you have more than anybody. Curt knew that you helped shape the man he became, he respected you and he loved you.
Lora – Curt and I sat in my backyard a month ago and we talked about our previous marriages and what went wrong. He said, “when I asked Lora to marry me…I loved her more than anything in this world.” He said you all were young…you had to grow up, get real jobs and with him working 1st shift, you working 2nd and you all tag teaming taking care of Gabby that you just grew apart. He said “we split up time and time again but we kept getting back together because that’s what we both wanted for Gabby but we brought out the worst in each other when we were married and neither one of us were happy.” The way you all came together after your divorce and put your personal feelings aside to parent Gabby was nothing short of amazing, something I desperately wished I had with the father of my children. I know it’s scary to think that it all falls on you now and I can’t imagine how that feels but you have a big support system, including me, to help with her. I have a little bit of experience as the mom of my two girls and they are 18 and 14 – so I’ve been there and done that --- twice. I thank you for allowing me to be a part of this, for letting me see Gabby and I consider you my friend.
Ina – Curt and I had been talking since the beginning of October and on Thanksgiving Day, I sent him a text inviting him to eat with my family. I never got a response. He called me later that afternoon to tell me that he had eaten Thanksgiving dinner at your house. He told me on more than one occasion that you had told him that he would always be your son-in-law and he liked that. He thought the world of you.
Bill Davis!!! Gabrielle William Renee’ Davis. I love you sweet girl. How many times have I heard your daddy say “Bill Davis? Do you know how much I love you?” and what would you say? Oh my gosh…he loved you to infinity 1 million times and he was so so so proud of you!! I got on him sometimes because I thought he was a little hard on you and he would say “she’s just like me and I’ve got to stay on her, Dana, to make sure she doesn’t turn out like me” and recently, almost everyday, he would say “I’m afraid Gab is gonna grow up hating me because I am so hard on her and because I’m not always around because I work too hard” I told him that little girls don’t hate their daddy’s for making them mind, that makes them love them even more. I thought your Dad was the greatest. Your dad will want you to make good grades, he will want you to pick up after yourself and keep your room clean, throw away your Dr. Pepper cans when you get finished with them, he will want you to always do your homework and study those spelling words. He wants you to learn right from wrong. I’m pretty sure that since you and I met that we have watched the movie “Pure Country 2” at least three times with your Dad. That was your alls movie and I know you can recite the rules from the movie: (1) Never Lie (2) Always Be Fair and (3) Never Break a Promise. If you can live by those rules, you will make Curt Davis proud!! You are always welcome in my home Bill Davis. I want to be a part of your life as long as you will let me be. I love you baby girl.
I have to mention Curt’s dogs. He had 5 but three of them were special. Ol’ Blue is a blue heeler that’s 15 years old and showing his age. The two he was crazy about lived in the house. Sarah is a little black dog…I can’t remember her breed…but everytime Curt would get home he would see Sarah and start saying “Sarah!!! Your so little little little little little little…and then Sarah would start howling until he would finally say, “Oh Sarah, I’m just playing…your big, your big!!” and that was the only way she would stop howling. The first time I took my three kids to Curt’s house, Curt was outside and Sarah was tied up. My daughter Emily said, “you mean to tell me that a guy that big with a truck that big has a little bitty dog like that?” He loved Sarah and I didn’t and it caused some tension sometimes. But then along came sweet Mason. Mason was Curt’s Australian shepherd that he got back in the winter. Mason went everywhere with Curt. Sometimes he called him Masonary, Masonite, most of the time Mason Headley. Mason is with me now and I call him Mason Curtis. Curt worked with Mason all the time to teach him tricks. Mason can sit, he will go all the way down, he knows how to take food gently from your hand as long as you remind him and Curt was teaching him “leave it”. Curt had already taught him to leave his lunch alone until he told him he could have it. He told me that he would always give Mason the last of his lunch and had been laying it on the console and had trained Mason not to take it until he told him he could have it. I want you all to know that Mason was in the truck with Curt the day he died. He had ordered a double cheeseburger, two orders of fries and a Diet Cherry Pepsi. Curt had only eaten half of his hamburger when he died and Mason sat in that truck with him for almost three hours and never bothered that sandwich or the fries. Poor Mason has grieved and he has been the biggest comforter to me… and Jerry, I appreciate you asking me if I wanted him because I needed him and I wouldn’t want him anywhere else.
Curt and I would laugh when we were at his house with my three kids, Emily Kensley and Edison and his three kids, Gabby, Mason and Sarah. When things got crazy with all 8 of us in his little house I would say “Oh my gosh Curt, we are like the Brady Bunch! We need an Alice!” or maybe we needed a Jerry – I don’t know.
Curt loved my kids and my kids adored him. He was always giving my 18 year old daughter, Emily, plenty of advice and we will definitely miss the free mechanic work on her car. Emily, he was worried that you were going to make bad choices in life and he intended to make sure you didn’t. He also was hoping you would aspire to be more in life than a housewife! Kensley, the day you climbed up on his horse, Silver, and he saw your smile, made him so happy. When you rode off on the trail he turned and looked at me and said “I have never seen her smile so big…she is a beautiful girl!” and that’s when he decided that if a horse made you that happy that he wanted you to bring As-U-May to his farm so you could ride her anytime you wanted. I’m sorry that’s not gonna happen. And you all, Curt Davis adored my little boy Edison. He lectured me all the time about how if I didn’t stop coddling him and babying him all the time he was gonna grow up to be a sissy boy. Curt made me realize that I do need to parent Edison a little bit differently…that I have to be both the mom and the dad for him. Curt…you promised me Sunday night…that you were gonna help me with him and that even if we didn’t work out…that you loved Edison and would be a part of his life as long as I would let you. You wanted to be his Jerry Davis! I’m gonna do my best to make sure he’s not a “sissy boy!”
We had a lot of fun when we were all together. We went to the Louisville zoo over spring break and the line to pay to get in was crazy long. Curt, being the impatient man he is, got out of line and went to the membership desk. A few minutes later my phone rang and he said, “bring the kids over here. The zoo thinks we’re engaged and we can get in on a family membership.” We got our cards in the mail the other day and I have mine in my purse. It says “Curt Davis and Dana Wood + four kids”. I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend all the time you wanted in the gorilla house…I’m not really sure I want to go back without you…
Since Curt died, I have tried to remember every single conversation that we had and when I think of some of them, I think he knew he wasn’t going to be around much longer.
As funny and crazy as he was and how he always seemed to be joking and I’m going to share some of those stories in a minute, Curt had a serious side too. He was sensible and he was so smart. He told me once that he graduated from Garrard County High School with a 3.75 GPA – who would have thought that? If Curt was working on a piece of equipment that he couldn’t figure out he would work it over and over in his head…even at night…til he knew what he needed to do to fix it. He was a hard worker – he worked too hard and he was a saver. Just last week he finally broke down and spent some of that money of his and bought a brand new pair of boots. He had picked them up on Monday from Town and Country and he was so proud of his brand new iPhone 4gS. I wanted to share with you all a few conversations we recently had that were serious that looking back now, I think were meant for me to share with you all.
He told me and I’ve talked to other people who have said he said the same to them that he knew he wasn’t going to live to be an old man. He told us he never thought he would live to see 28 and he did and then thought he would never make it to 30 and he did. I would tease him and say I was never making any commitment to a man under 40 because men lose their minds when they turn 40. He said “Dana, I’ll never make it to 40.” Every time he would say it, I would tell him to hush because I didn’t want to hear it. Now…I think he knew he wasn’t well and was trying to prepare me. He would always say, “you can’t be as hard on a body as I’ve been on this one and expect it to last forever”.
Curt also recently told me that he had done everything that he had set out to do and couldn’t think of anything else he wanted to do in his life. I asked “like what?” and he said, “I wanted to ride horses out west and I went to Wyoming two years in a row and did that, I wanted to be a bull rider and I did that, I wanted to be a truck driver, did that and I wanted to be a disesel mechanic and that’s what I’m doing now. He was proud of his accomplishments. I remember at the time thinking that conversation was a little weird but now I know it had a purpose!
Just one more time, I would like to hear Curt Davis say “I HEARD THAT!” “really?” Niiiiiiiiiiiice!”. I’d like to call him and hear him answer the phone and say “What choo doin? Especially, I’d like to hear him say “Goodnight Miss Dana” and I want one more hug with those huge biceps wrapped around me and I want to look into those beautiful blue eyes and let him know how much that I loved him.
I met Curt a year ago on May 3rd and we talked but I told him I wasn’t comfortable seeing him until his divorce was final. We talked, texted and commented on each other’s facebook from time to time but didn’t start dating until October. We shared my 41st birthday together and he absolutely loved the fact that I was 8 years older than him for about a month. He called me his “cougar”. I went to China in February with my job and got so sick. He was so worried about me. We Skyped while I was over there and he was ready to get on a plane to come and get me – he said he didn’t need a passport. I think it was then that I truly realized that Curt Davis was crazy about me and I was falling in love with him. He was so sick one weekend with a stomach virus and I took care of him at my house. He was the best patient and I found out later that he bragged to others about what good care I had taken of him. We had plans to go to the beach this summer and he knew I couldn’t afford to go without his help. Every week he would say “how much did you save out of this check for vacation?” but I found out he had told a friend “I’m making Dana sweat over saving money for vacation but I’ve got it covered – she’s not gonna have to worry about a thing.” We had so many plans…birthdays to celebrate, weddings to attend, graduations coming up and we had talked about all of them. It’s gonna be hard to do everything without him.
I’m gonna tell two more stories on Curt. I have so many and I know all of you do too. I called him every day at lunch. As a matter of fact I talked to him from 12:30 to 12:34 on Wednesday. He said “I’m pulling up here at Burger House…I’ll talk to ya later” and he paid for his food at 12:38. That was the last time I talked to him. I called him at lunchtime one day in April and he answered the phone and said “What choo doing?” and I said “Nothing…what choo doing?” and he said “sitting here talking to John Michael Montgomery…here you want to talk to him?” The next thing I knew I was having a conversation with John Michael. John Michael and I hung up and I didn’t get to talk to Curt so I sent a message back that said “It was nice talking to country music legend JMM, but I called to talk to you Babe”. He called me right back. He has bragged to everyone that he got to work on John Michael’s bull dozer and excavator. I never knew what I would read or see when I got a text message from Curt but one day, I spit my drink out when I opened it and read “I’m taking a shit on John Michael Montgomery’s toilet”. Typical Curt…always giving too much information!!!
I’m going to read a letter that my Mom wrote to Curt to give you all an idea of how others saw what he did for me in my life.
Dear Curt Davis, I did not know you that well - only being in your presence four or five times, but it was enough for me to see how you looked at her and to see you were falling in love with my daughter. You brought a ray of sunshine where there had been storm clouds, for much too long. I saw laughter again where there had been rain. The sparkle was back in her big brown eyes that had disappeared and her beautiful smile was back. You brought our Dana’s sweet spirit back to life. Your happiness together was much too short but it came at just the right time. It truly was a gift from God through you. You will remain forever in my heart because of how wonderful you were to Dana. Thank you for that. Rest in peace. Love, Shirley
And finally, I leave you with this… one of my best friends who lost her husband several years ago said this was shared with her and it helped her get through some rough days.
The day after I buried my loved one I understood for the first time why so many people choose to medicate their pain in so many harmful ways. That day I tried to sleep it away. And in the days that followed, I discovered that I could not eat it away, drink it away, or travel it away." "I just had to feel it. And it hurt. Physically." "I realized I had a choice-I could try to stuff the hurt away in a closet, pretend it wasn't there, and wish it would disappear, or I could bring it out into the open, expose it to the Light, prove it, accept it, and allow it to heal. I chose to face it head-on, trudge throught it, feel its full weight, and do my best to confront my feelings of loss and hopelessness with the truth of God's Word at every turn...That's what Job did." "The world tells us to run from suffering, to avoid it at all costs, to cry out to heaven to take it away. Few of us would choose to suffer, yet when we know that God has allowed suffering into our lives for a purpose, we can embrace it instead of running from it, and we can seek God in the midst of suffering."
Rest in peace, Curtis…I miss you. They say I’ll be okay, but I’m not going to ever get over you.
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