Turning 40 wasn't so bad...I didn't really think it would be...it just sounds so ugly! My sister, Lea Ann and my friend, Tawnya, hosted a party in my honor to celebrate the occasion. Several good friends and some favorite cousins came and we had an enjoyable evening of tasty food and some special Jase Juice.
My sister always has Fruit Juicy Red Hawaiian punch in her refrigerator because her son, Jase, likes it. Her grandson, Cash, started calling it "Jase Juice" a few years ago and it caught on. Anytime someone is having Hawaiian punch, we call it Jase Juice. Add some pure grain alcohol to it and it becomes "special Jase Juice" :-) HAHA! I thought my "hooch" days ended when prom and field parties ended, but evidently NOT! Those of us who partook of the special recipe were having HOT FLASHES, whether we were 32, 62 or somewhere in between! It was all in good fun though and everyone was responsible...
I received great gifts. You would think I was some kind of alcoholic with the 6 bottles of wine and the special recipe my sister served - LOL - but that is far from truth. In addition to the wine, I received an overnight bag monogrammed with my name, candles, chocolate, a cute little wine glass, lotion, a gown, a watch, gift certificates for pedicures and massages and lots of other items. I wish I had my list in front of me and I would name everything! I forgot how fun a birthday could be and I think I want to have one EVERY year!!! Why do we stop having birthday parties anyway? LOL! I took one bottle of wine to a party the other night to share and now I'm down to 4.5 bottles (you can do the math) :-)
My oldest daughter is now driving with her permit which has added a few gray hairs to the ones I already have to hide with color. She asks every time we walk out the door if she can drive and I have been so overwhelmed and stressed out lately, I don't feel that it is safe. When she is driving I have to do double duty. Not only am I scanning the highway for trouble that might happen and helping her watch all the other cars, I'm also aware of everything she does, ready to take over at any second. I am so tense by the time we arrive at our destination that I can barely loosen up enough to open the door. She's a good driver and when I am calm, all is well. There has just been a lot going on in my life that is preventing me from getting any rest and if I'm not on top of my game, I feel it is unsafe for me to be the adult driver responsible. I have promised her that when she returns tomorrow and while she is with me the remainder of this year, that she can drive EVERYWHERE we go, unless the weather is unsafe. Ice storm???? Where are you???? Okay...I'm ready to ride shotgun and I'm gonna be singing Carrie Underwood's "Jesus Take the Wheel" the whole time. Just kidding...she really is a good driver and I'm very proud of her!
My middle child is now officially a TEENAGER!!!! My old blog was entitled "One Toddler, One Teen and One In-Between". It's definitely the old blog now. I still have a toddler and now I have TWO TEENS! Wow - I should definitely be 40! Kensley's birthday is 2 days before Christmas and that is not a good time for a birthday party so we are having it on Saturday, 1/1/11. She has invited about 30 kids (mostly 7th graders) and we are having a taco bar, cupcakes and games. I want it to be lots of fun and I want them still talking about it when they return to school 2 days later so I've got lots of planning to do between now and then.
Edison has not been home much since Christmas and he's ready to be back in his home. Every night when he talks to me he tells me he wants to come back to his "Mommy's home" and I am so ready for him to be here. He has toys and games he has not even had a chance to play with and he hasn't been feeling well either. Tomorrow, I will feel like life is back to normal (whatever normal is). I'm off this week and I will have all three kids under my roof and that makes life good - chaotic at times - but GOOD!
I think divorce is awful through the holidays! Of course, my kids would probably disagree. Emily told me that being divorced is especially cool at Christmas and Birthdays because she gets more presents. I understand that is typical 17 year old logic - ME ME ME! Actually, I too, was quite impressed with all they received. Of course, I felt like they had a pauper's Christmas at my house compared to what they got everywhere else, but that is an issue I must deal with and get past. My kids love me for me and I know that I don't have to buy their love. The girls were so good to thank me over and over for what I did get them and I appreciated that. I did what I could and it's all bought and paid for. My rule of not charging anything at Christmastime has not changed. If I can't pay cash, I don't buy it. The best thing is that I don't have to figure out how to pay for it later and that keeps some of my stress at bay!
So...I turned 40 and the world is still revolving! I have one child who is driving, another who has entered her teenage years. I have a little boy who loves his Mommy. I survived Christmas and it was much easier than last year. The good thing is that I can now see that life gets easier. Last year, I cried when I took my kids to meet their dad after leaving my grandmother's house on Christmas Eve and waking up alone on that first divorced Christmas morning was one of the most sad times in all my life. This year was my year. They stayed with me on Christmas Eve and woke up to Santa on Christmas morning. We had a FUN day! We opened gifts, we unpackaged the gifts (which can be quite challenging and time consuming), we watched a movie together, we ate brunch, we played Phase 10 and played with other games and toys and had a great morning! But it was no easier when their grandparents came to pick them up to take them to their dad. I shut the door behind them at 1:00 on Christmas afternoon, I cried and I stayed in my pajamas all day long and I slept off and on and watched the clock, waiting for the day to end...
I picked up the kids the next day to spend Christmas with my mom and dad and my family. We pretty much had a 24 hour on - 24 hour off Christmas schedule in order to accommodate everyone's family. I met them at the half-way point and went straight to my Mom and Dad's house for more present opening. My daughters and my brother's daughters all ended up spending the night with Nannie and Papa and I think they had a great time together. Since my kids' dad is an only child, they only have cousins on my side of the family so I feel it's super important that they get to know each other and have fun when they are together. Some of my favorite memories of Christmas are those spent with my cousins on Christmas Eve at my grandmother's house. We still all get together on Christmas Eve and it's chaotic because there are so many of us now and we all have very different personalities and different ways of doing things and different ideas about things, and there is such a large age range of people...but at the same time, I cannot imagine NOT going to my grandmother's for Christmas Eve, because it's all I've ever known. Of course, I'm becoming a pro at CHANGE :-)
The kids have spent the past few days with their dad and I have spent the past few days catching up on some much needed REST and RELAXATION! I laid on the couch most of yesterday watching movies. I had not done that forever! I started with Date Night starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey and laughed through the entire thing. I then watched The Expendables and enjoyed seeing all the old guys from my teen days reunite (Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Dolph Lundgren) and I might add that they are all still VERY fine looking men! I finished by watching The Back-Up Plan with Jennifer Lopez and I laughed and teared and it was a very sweet movie. Sometime this weekend, I plan to watch John Wayne in True Grit so I can be ready to see Matt Damon on the big screen in the re-make of True Grit. I'll let you all know how that goes. I was way more productive today, cleaning the kitchen, changing the sheets, straightening the house, taking a shower (LOL!) just getting ready for the return of my three favorite people in the whole world!
I don't think I will ever get used to sharing my kids. I don't like to share my kids. It's not natural but I do it because I have to. The very worst part of divorce is being apart from your kids when it is not your choice to be apart from them. Oh, yes, I need the occasional break, and I try to enjoy it most of the time, but during the holidays, it's impossible! Sharing...I try to teach my kids to do it...it's part of how things get done around here...but in the words of my teenagers...it SUCKS but I'm dealing! I'll look at the bright side...I am blessed that my children have a father who wants them and I'm also glad that he and I are able to work out a holiday schedule that accommodates everyone. I think our kids are worn out but they too, survived the Holidays, and they have LOTS OF STUFF, but most of all, MEMORIES, to prove it :-)
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
On Turning 40...
In less than a week, I will celebrate my 40th birthday...and I have mixed feelings about the occasion...
When I turned 30, I had been married 12 years and had two children, I figured I needed to be 30.
When I turned 35, I had been married almost half my life and I figured I needed to be 35.
Between 35 and 40...my life CHANGED dramatically...
I went back to college and earned my bachelor's degree, I became the mother of a toddler and I went through a heartbreaking divorce...I think the thing that bothers me the most about turning 40 is that I'm just not where I wanted to be at this point in my life, but then, I think about that and I feel guilty because truthfully, I am not where I want to be materialistically in my life.
At age 40, I struggle to make ends meet on my single salary and child support. After being a homeowner for 16 years, I now rent. I was driving a bright red, loaded, new model vehicle and now drive a 12 year old mini-van that cramps my single lifestyle.
I have a WISH LIST of material items --- it includes...
So...aside from material items, I need to be happy with what I have. Realizing that turning 40 is better than the alternative -- being dead! I'm certainly not ready for that! I'm healthy, I'm happy, I love my family and my family loves me! I have three wonderful, beautiful children! I have great friends and an awesome church family. I know God! Those are the important things.
A few months before I turned 30, Tim McGraw released a new album that had a song entitled "My Next 30 Years". Here are the lyrics...
I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years
I LOVED that song! I even purchased the CD and gave it to my best friend, Melissa, for her 30th birthday that year. Y'all all know that I'm not listening to Tim McGraw much these days. I'm a KID ROCK FANatic! Kid Rock turns 40 in January and he just released his most mellow CD EVER! Of course, with the release of a new CD, means a TOUR, which also means that I want to see him when he comes to LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY on February 11th! He got me through my divorce and now he needs to get me through my 40th year!
I found a poem online about turning 40...the author is unknown, but I like her thoughts :-)
Fine Chardonnay!
It's hard to believe I'm 39.
But am I aging like fine wine?
They say 39 is the new 25
Could someone please tell my thighs.
My make-up free days are a thing of the past.
I just hope my concealer lasts.
What are these grey hairs atop my head.
Tell me Miss Clairol, should I go red?
These lines on my face are beginning to furrow
Soon they'll be deep enough for a rabbit's burrow
But joking and silliness aside
This has been a wonderful ride
So 40 I'm ready, bring what you may
I've decided, I'm a fine Chardonnay!
When I turned 30, I had been married 12 years and had two children, I figured I needed to be 30.
When I turned 35, I had been married almost half my life and I figured I needed to be 35.
Between 35 and 40...my life CHANGED dramatically...
I went back to college and earned my bachelor's degree, I became the mother of a toddler and I went through a heartbreaking divorce...I think the thing that bothers me the most about turning 40 is that I'm just not where I wanted to be at this point in my life, but then, I think about that and I feel guilty because truthfully, I am not where I want to be materialistically in my life.
At age 40, I struggle to make ends meet on my single salary and child support. After being a homeowner for 16 years, I now rent. I was driving a bright red, loaded, new model vehicle and now drive a 12 year old mini-van that cramps my single lifestyle.
I have a WISH LIST of material items --- it includes...
- an iPhone 4 (my mom told me she would buy me one for Christmas IF I were an only child).
- 2011 Chevrolet Camaro (color choice: arrest-me-red)
- a rockin' SYSTEM in my car (cause the Swagger Wagon has a busted speaker and a cassette player)
- a home of my own (just because I miss that)
- a new stylish wardrobe --- one that fits after my weight loss and of which my daughters approve and also cool shoes to go with it!
- Sure, an iPhone 4 may not need to be charged as often as the iPhone I currently have (and yes, I realize I complain about money and have an iPhone, but it is truly one of the only indulgences I have for ME --- well, that and my acrylic nails - that I don't get filled-in often enough)
- I would truly look GOOD in a bright red Camaro, but what about on snow days? How useful would a rear-wheel drive sports car be on a day like today? And my gosh! The insurance would be outrageous, right?
- Oh! And I LOVE music and I look forward to the day when I drive a car that has a better system than the Swagger Wagon. Part of what gives my mini-van its "swagger" is the fact that the right front speaker is busted and it has an AM/FM Cassette player - NO CD PLAYER - however, I can run my iTunes through an FM Transmitter and listen to my extensive music collection through my car speakers. I just have to adjust the speakers if I'm listening to a song with some bass, otherwise, it sounds like someone is trying to play a Kazoo.
- A home of my own. I have great landlords and they pretty much let me do what I want to do. They even let my daughter paint her room PURPLE! And the best part of not owning my own home? I didn't get the TAX BILL in the mail in October meaning I am not stressing about having to pay it by the end of the year!
- New clothes and shoes? I can still shop the sale racks - I always have! And I have never been one to be crazy over name-brands, although a good pair of name-brand shoes sure feel better than generic knock-offs. For the most part, if I find something I like, it fits and it's a good deal? I'll buy it.
So...aside from material items, I need to be happy with what I have. Realizing that turning 40 is better than the alternative -- being dead! I'm certainly not ready for that! I'm healthy, I'm happy, I love my family and my family loves me! I have three wonderful, beautiful children! I have great friends and an awesome church family. I know God! Those are the important things.
A few months before I turned 30, Tim McGraw released a new album that had a song entitled "My Next 30 Years". Here are the lyrics...
I think I’ll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it’s time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I’m gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I’ve done
Maybe now I’ve conquered all my adolescent fears
And I’ll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I’m gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I’m doing here
In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I’m gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I’ll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here ,In my next thirty years
I LOVED that song! I even purchased the CD and gave it to my best friend, Melissa, for her 30th birthday that year. Y'all all know that I'm not listening to Tim McGraw much these days. I'm a KID ROCK FANatic! Kid Rock turns 40 in January and he just released his most mellow CD EVER! Of course, with the release of a new CD, means a TOUR, which also means that I want to see him when he comes to LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY on February 11th! He got me through my divorce and now he needs to get me through my 40th year!
I found a poem online about turning 40...the author is unknown, but I like her thoughts :-)
Fine Chardonnay!
It's hard to believe I'm 39.
But am I aging like fine wine?
They say 39 is the new 25
Could someone please tell my thighs.
My make-up free days are a thing of the past.
I just hope my concealer lasts.
What are these grey hairs atop my head.
Tell me Miss Clairol, should I go red?
These lines on my face are beginning to furrow
Soon they'll be deep enough for a rabbit's burrow
But joking and silliness aside
This has been a wonderful ride
So 40 I'm ready, bring what you may
I've decided, I'm a fine Chardonnay!
Temper Tantrums
I realize that many of you who follow this blog also follow me on Facebook and read about my week, but I just wanted to put my crazy life into story form...
I'll start with Tuesday...I woke up to pouring rain...it literally rained ALL DAY LONG! And it wasn't a little drizzle, this was a hard soaking rain that by nights end was causing flooding in areas of the state. I normally get out of the office each day at lunchtime, if not to buy lunch, at least to go shopping (well...looking...because you have to have money to shop). I wasn't going anywhere Tuesday, except back to my warm, cozy home. I decided to order a pizza from Papa John's and have them deliver, keeping in mind that Edison and I could eat the leftovers for dinner.
The work day finally came to an end but my time of relaxation was far from over. The drive home, which normally takes 50-60 minutes, turned into one hour and 30 minutes. I don't understand how drivers suddenly forget to drive when there is any kind of precipitation falling! For several minutes I sat completely still on New Circle Road and the rest of the time, I was driving at a snail's pace. There were no wrecks - just non-drivers! Needless to say, I was a little stressed by the time I arrived at the baby sitter's house (20 minutes late!).
Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Edison and I walked into our home. I was so thankful that I had purchased the pizza earlier in the day and would not have to cook dinner. Edison was starving and I was trying to change out of my work clothes into something more comfortable and warm. He asked if he could get a piece of pizza for himself. Since I've been trying to teach him to be a little more independent by undressing and dressing himself, hanging up his coat and putting on his shoes, I thought that would be fine. I was wrong!
He came into my bedroom and he was rubbing the big yellowish-green jalapeno pepper all between his hands. He asked, "What's this?" I said, "Edison! That is a hot pepper! You need to go throw it away, wash your hands and DO NOT rub your eyes." A few minutes later I hear the water running and some whining. I walk into the bathroom, see Edison standing at the sink with water on his hands RUBBING his eyes! The jalapeno pepper was floating in the toilet! I washed his hands with soap, cleaned out his eyes, flushed the toilet and told him to go get a piece of pizza while I finished changing my clothes. I met him as he was walking out of the kitchen, pizza in one hand and an open container of garlic butter dripping all down his pants and onto the kitchen floor!! So, once again, I had another mess to clean up. At some point that evening, I finally got to enjoy my own slice of pizza. It's funny how you think you can have everything planned for a simple evening and how difficult that one evening can become when a 3 year old is involved.
FAST FORWARD to Wednesday night. I picked Edison up from the sitter and he was very tired. I desperately needed groceries and decided to head to Wal-Mart. Now, Wal-Mart is an overwhelming place for Edison. It always has been from the time he joined us at age 17 months. I guess it's because he never experienced anything like it in his first few developmental months. I think he gets overstimulated in Wal-Mart with the colors, sights, sounds, tall ceilings, items stacked so high, etc. Come to think of it, I get overwhelmed in Wal-Mart :-) I knew Edison was tired so I opted for Stanford's Wal-Mart which is much smaller. He fell asleep on the way there and I laid him in the buggy. He slept almost the entire time which allowed me to peacefully shop for the items on my list --- until he woke up. He woke up in a daze and then he wanted to see the toys...
We usually always go through the toys but my children have always known that going through the toys doesn't necessarily mean you will get to bring a toy home. Most of the time we don't bring toys home, but occasionally, I like to surprise them and say "Sure, you can have that!" It's Christmastime and I've been wanting to spend some time with Edison in the toy department to see what catches his eye. Being Christmastime also means we have all been asking him, "What do you want for Christmas?" I think this confused him. We were going to the toys, I kept asking him what he wanted for Christmas and he couldn't grasp that Christmas wasn't Wednesday night!!! When we left the toy department, he was crying "I want a toy!" and by the time we got to the front of the store, he was screaming "I WANT A TOY!" As usual, there were 2 checkout lanes opened so I stood in line for about 15 minutes with a child who was red-faced, screaming and crying "I WANT A TOY!" I had other parents trying to talk to him, Wal-Mart employee's showing him holographic gift cards, and then there was me saying "You are not getting a toy, Edison, and if you continue to scream like this, I'm not sure Santa will bring any either!"
We finally got to the van. By this time, Edison was out of control, screaming, crying, kicking his feet, arching his back, throwing his head around - a FULL-BLOWN TEMPER TANTRUM. I remained calm, speaking softly, trying not to escalate the tantrum, however, I'm not sure it could have been escalated at that point. I wrangled him into his car seat, which was not easy, and I still have a bruise on my forearm from a child's Nike Shox, size 10. He continued to scream while I stood in the biting cold consolidating the many Wal-Mart bags which contained one item each - grrrrrrrr!
While putting bag after bag inside one another (there were probably close to 25 and I only purchased 35 items), a car alarm went off. I'm stressed! My child is screaming, my hands are freezing, I'm trying to get the bags into my van and the car facing me is flashing its lights and blowing the horn, very LOUDLY! I am now suffering from sensory overload and I stopped, looked up at the sky and said "God! Please Help Me!" I know the Salvation Army bell ringer thought I had lost my mind, especially when I, myself, discovered that the alarm going off was MINE! I had hit the PANIC button.... I thought it was the car in front of me because (1) my headlights were reflecting off their headlights so I thought that car was making the noise, and (2) my van is so old, I didn't realize it had a panic button! I get the alarm disengaged and I sit down. That is when Edison began kicking the back of my seat!
At this point, I knew better than to open my mouth to say anything because I would have yelled at him and I knew I had to keep driving, because if I pulled over, I would have spanked him, harder than necessary. Instead, I called my friend, Tawnya. I apologized to her that she would have to listen to him but that it was necessary to keep me from losing my mind! Tawnya has three children, including one set of twin boys. She told me she had never had a child act like that and had NEVER heard a child sound like him. She told me he sounded possessed - which I totally agreed. He was in another realm - completely out of control! While I was talking to Tawnya, my daughter Emily buzzed in. She needed help with her homework - HAHAHA! She tried to explain to me what she needed and I finally said, "Emily, I can't hear you. You are cutting out and even if we had a good connection, I'm not sure I could hear you from all the screaming, so I will call you back when I get home, goodbye." (CLICK). I get a text message from her a minute later that says "Daddy is helping me. Also, the grinch is on 180. I thought eddy would like to watch it. Love you! And, be patient :)" I LOVE that girl and I will come back to her in a minute...for now, I'm still in the middle of this screaming so loud it's hurting my ears, kicking the back of my seat so hard he kicked his shoe off FIT!
I had been in the car with him for about 12 minutes and he had started the fit about 15 minutes before we exited Wal-Mart so this has continued for approximately 1/2 hour. I'm driving by Forks of Dix River Baptist Church. It's 8:10 - people are leaving. I have lots of friends there. I pull in to the Family Life Center where some kids are standing and I ask them to please go inside and get Jeff or Bridget Moss. Edison LOVES both of them. Pulling into the church has gotten Edison's attention. My sister said he probably realized he was getting ready for a "Come To Jesus Meeting with his Mama" - haha! The kids came back out and said "Jeff will be out in a minute". By the time Jeff came out, Edison had pretty much quit screaming, he wasn't even really crying, he was snubbing and he looked EXHAUSTED! I was in tears and it was wonderful to me that Jeff was talking to him and that he wasn't screaming and I was so thankful that I had not lost my temper. Jeff told his wife later that night he didn't really feel like he had done anything; but, he did!
I asked God for help when I was standing in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. I think he was the one who encouraged me not to interact with Edison because I'm normally a reactor and things would have only escalated. He told me to keep driving and not pull over. He gave me patience, although they were wearing thin. Tawnya doesn't always answer her phone when I call at night because she's busy with dinner, homework, family time and getting her kids ready for bed - so that was helpful. I happened to drive by my "old" church just as they were dismissing Wednesday night service and I knew Jeff & Bridget would be there and could help with Edison. It was a God thing!
Now, back to Emily...I have 17 years of experience with temper tantrums. Miss Emily has thrown some of the biggest red-headed fits you could ever imagine over the years. Looking back, I think a lot of hers were due to over-stimulation and hypersensitivity to things going on around her (although they were never in public, only at home and at large family events). When I told my sister, Lea Ann, that Tawnya had said she had never heard a child act like him, my sister said, "Well, she never heard Emily did she?" I learned long ago that when something set Emily off and I reacted, she over-reacted and it became a snowball effect of too much reaction!!! I'm not even going into what kind of tantrums she threw. They were horrible and they started when she was about 6 weeks old up and lasted 16 years! Many family members and some of my friends have experienced them and know exactly what I'm talking about. Others who never saw her in action do not believe me when I tell them she can behave in this way. It was endearing to me when she sent the grown-up text telling me to "be patient" with Eddy because now, that she is maturing, she realizes that I did have a lot of patience. My mom and I have said many times that Emily was blessed to have Paul and I as her parents because many mothers and fathers would have abused her. I didn't always have enough patience when she threw her "fits" but I never hurt her. Luckily, we had a strong support system of family and friends to help us. And, now, with Edison, even though his Dad isn't around to help, I still have a strong support system of family and friends and for that I am TRULY BLESSED!
Maybe it says something about my parenting style that I would have one biological child and one adopted child who can throw the Temper Tantrum of all Temper Tantrums...but I don't think so, because where does that put "Laid Back Kensley?" I'm hoping that this Mother of all Temper Tantrums was a once in his lifetime thing, but, if not, I've had experience with them before and I can get through them...praying for patience the entire time!
I'll start with Tuesday...I woke up to pouring rain...it literally rained ALL DAY LONG! And it wasn't a little drizzle, this was a hard soaking rain that by nights end was causing flooding in areas of the state. I normally get out of the office each day at lunchtime, if not to buy lunch, at least to go shopping (well...looking...because you have to have money to shop). I wasn't going anywhere Tuesday, except back to my warm, cozy home. I decided to order a pizza from Papa John's and have them deliver, keeping in mind that Edison and I could eat the leftovers for dinner.
The work day finally came to an end but my time of relaxation was far from over. The drive home, which normally takes 50-60 minutes, turned into one hour and 30 minutes. I don't understand how drivers suddenly forget to drive when there is any kind of precipitation falling! For several minutes I sat completely still on New Circle Road and the rest of the time, I was driving at a snail's pace. There were no wrecks - just non-drivers! Needless to say, I was a little stressed by the time I arrived at the baby sitter's house (20 minutes late!).
Finally, at 6:30 p.m., Edison and I walked into our home. I was so thankful that I had purchased the pizza earlier in the day and would not have to cook dinner. Edison was starving and I was trying to change out of my work clothes into something more comfortable and warm. He asked if he could get a piece of pizza for himself. Since I've been trying to teach him to be a little more independent by undressing and dressing himself, hanging up his coat and putting on his shoes, I thought that would be fine. I was wrong!
He came into my bedroom and he was rubbing the big yellowish-green jalapeno pepper all between his hands. He asked, "What's this?" I said, "Edison! That is a hot pepper! You need to go throw it away, wash your hands and DO NOT rub your eyes." A few minutes later I hear the water running and some whining. I walk into the bathroom, see Edison standing at the sink with water on his hands RUBBING his eyes! The jalapeno pepper was floating in the toilet! I washed his hands with soap, cleaned out his eyes, flushed the toilet and told him to go get a piece of pizza while I finished changing my clothes. I met him as he was walking out of the kitchen, pizza in one hand and an open container of garlic butter dripping all down his pants and onto the kitchen floor!! So, once again, I had another mess to clean up. At some point that evening, I finally got to enjoy my own slice of pizza. It's funny how you think you can have everything planned for a simple evening and how difficult that one evening can become when a 3 year old is involved.
FAST FORWARD to Wednesday night. I picked Edison up from the sitter and he was very tired. I desperately needed groceries and decided to head to Wal-Mart. Now, Wal-Mart is an overwhelming place for Edison. It always has been from the time he joined us at age 17 months. I guess it's because he never experienced anything like it in his first few developmental months. I think he gets overstimulated in Wal-Mart with the colors, sights, sounds, tall ceilings, items stacked so high, etc. Come to think of it, I get overwhelmed in Wal-Mart :-) I knew Edison was tired so I opted for Stanford's Wal-Mart which is much smaller. He fell asleep on the way there and I laid him in the buggy. He slept almost the entire time which allowed me to peacefully shop for the items on my list --- until he woke up. He woke up in a daze and then he wanted to see the toys...
We usually always go through the toys but my children have always known that going through the toys doesn't necessarily mean you will get to bring a toy home. Most of the time we don't bring toys home, but occasionally, I like to surprise them and say "Sure, you can have that!" It's Christmastime and I've been wanting to spend some time with Edison in the toy department to see what catches his eye. Being Christmastime also means we have all been asking him, "What do you want for Christmas?" I think this confused him. We were going to the toys, I kept asking him what he wanted for Christmas and he couldn't grasp that Christmas wasn't Wednesday night!!! When we left the toy department, he was crying "I want a toy!" and by the time we got to the front of the store, he was screaming "I WANT A TOY!" As usual, there were 2 checkout lanes opened so I stood in line for about 15 minutes with a child who was red-faced, screaming and crying "I WANT A TOY!" I had other parents trying to talk to him, Wal-Mart employee's showing him holographic gift cards, and then there was me saying "You are not getting a toy, Edison, and if you continue to scream like this, I'm not sure Santa will bring any either!"
We finally got to the van. By this time, Edison was out of control, screaming, crying, kicking his feet, arching his back, throwing his head around - a FULL-BLOWN TEMPER TANTRUM. I remained calm, speaking softly, trying not to escalate the tantrum, however, I'm not sure it could have been escalated at that point. I wrangled him into his car seat, which was not easy, and I still have a bruise on my forearm from a child's Nike Shox, size 10. He continued to scream while I stood in the biting cold consolidating the many Wal-Mart bags which contained one item each - grrrrrrrr!
While putting bag after bag inside one another (there were probably close to 25 and I only purchased 35 items), a car alarm went off. I'm stressed! My child is screaming, my hands are freezing, I'm trying to get the bags into my van and the car facing me is flashing its lights and blowing the horn, very LOUDLY! I am now suffering from sensory overload and I stopped, looked up at the sky and said "God! Please Help Me!" I know the Salvation Army bell ringer thought I had lost my mind, especially when I, myself, discovered that the alarm going off was MINE! I had hit the PANIC button.... I thought it was the car in front of me because (1) my headlights were reflecting off their headlights so I thought that car was making the noise, and (2) my van is so old, I didn't realize it had a panic button! I get the alarm disengaged and I sit down. That is when Edison began kicking the back of my seat!
At this point, I knew better than to open my mouth to say anything because I would have yelled at him and I knew I had to keep driving, because if I pulled over, I would have spanked him, harder than necessary. Instead, I called my friend, Tawnya. I apologized to her that she would have to listen to him but that it was necessary to keep me from losing my mind! Tawnya has three children, including one set of twin boys. She told me she had never had a child act like that and had NEVER heard a child sound like him. She told me he sounded possessed - which I totally agreed. He was in another realm - completely out of control! While I was talking to Tawnya, my daughter Emily buzzed in. She needed help with her homework - HAHAHA! She tried to explain to me what she needed and I finally said, "Emily, I can't hear you. You are cutting out and even if we had a good connection, I'm not sure I could hear you from all the screaming, so I will call you back when I get home, goodbye." (CLICK). I get a text message from her a minute later that says "Daddy is helping me. Also, the grinch is on 180. I thought eddy would like to watch it. Love you! And, be patient :)" I LOVE that girl and I will come back to her in a minute...for now, I'm still in the middle of this screaming so loud it's hurting my ears, kicking the back of my seat so hard he kicked his shoe off FIT!
I had been in the car with him for about 12 minutes and he had started the fit about 15 minutes before we exited Wal-Mart so this has continued for approximately 1/2 hour. I'm driving by Forks of Dix River Baptist Church. It's 8:10 - people are leaving. I have lots of friends there. I pull in to the Family Life Center where some kids are standing and I ask them to please go inside and get Jeff or Bridget Moss. Edison LOVES both of them. Pulling into the church has gotten Edison's attention. My sister said he probably realized he was getting ready for a "Come To Jesus Meeting with his Mama" - haha! The kids came back out and said "Jeff will be out in a minute". By the time Jeff came out, Edison had pretty much quit screaming, he wasn't even really crying, he was snubbing and he looked EXHAUSTED! I was in tears and it was wonderful to me that Jeff was talking to him and that he wasn't screaming and I was so thankful that I had not lost my temper. Jeff told his wife later that night he didn't really feel like he had done anything; but, he did!
I asked God for help when I was standing in the parking lot at Wal-Mart. I think he was the one who encouraged me not to interact with Edison because I'm normally a reactor and things would have only escalated. He told me to keep driving and not pull over. He gave me patience, although they were wearing thin. Tawnya doesn't always answer her phone when I call at night because she's busy with dinner, homework, family time and getting her kids ready for bed - so that was helpful. I happened to drive by my "old" church just as they were dismissing Wednesday night service and I knew Jeff & Bridget would be there and could help with Edison. It was a God thing!
Now, back to Emily...I have 17 years of experience with temper tantrums. Miss Emily has thrown some of the biggest red-headed fits you could ever imagine over the years. Looking back, I think a lot of hers were due to over-stimulation and hypersensitivity to things going on around her (although they were never in public, only at home and at large family events). When I told my sister, Lea Ann, that Tawnya had said she had never heard a child act like him, my sister said, "Well, she never heard Emily did she?" I learned long ago that when something set Emily off and I reacted, she over-reacted and it became a snowball effect of too much reaction!!! I'm not even going into what kind of tantrums she threw. They were horrible and they started when she was about 6 weeks old up and lasted 16 years! Many family members and some of my friends have experienced them and know exactly what I'm talking about. Others who never saw her in action do not believe me when I tell them she can behave in this way. It was endearing to me when she sent the grown-up text telling me to "be patient" with Eddy because now, that she is maturing, she realizes that I did have a lot of patience. My mom and I have said many times that Emily was blessed to have Paul and I as her parents because many mothers and fathers would have abused her. I didn't always have enough patience when she threw her "fits" but I never hurt her. Luckily, we had a strong support system of family and friends to help us. And, now, with Edison, even though his Dad isn't around to help, I still have a strong support system of family and friends and for that I am TRULY BLESSED!
Maybe it says something about my parenting style that I would have one biological child and one adopted child who can throw the Temper Tantrum of all Temper Tantrums...but I don't think so, because where does that put "Laid Back Kensley?" I'm hoping that this Mother of all Temper Tantrums was a once in his lifetime thing, but, if not, I've had experience with them before and I can get through them...praying for patience the entire time!
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